MY GRANDMOTHER HAS A BOYFRIEND!!!!! I KNEW she was acting different...putting on makeup and fixing her hair when she normally doesn't...
Hahaha! I had to go eat lunch with my family today to celebrate my mom's birthday (which occured yesterday.) There was this old guy that was one of our neighbors back home, right? His name was Al. Whenever my grandma went for a walk, he'd offer her a ride in his car or offer to walk with her. Then he moved to Fremont a little while ago. So my mom says that the other weekend, he called for my grandma...our number's unlisted, so that means she gave him her number!!!! My mom says that my grandma got this huuuuge cheesy smile on her face and that while on the phone, she crossed her legs and kicked her foot around like one of those little teenyboppers on the phone with their quarterback boyfriend. Ha! Then my grandma took the phone to her room and they talked for a verrrrry long time about church and life...my grandma was just blushing. So then when they dropped me off at my place and I went to get out of the car. I said, "Good luck with Al, grandma" and she just says, "Yes." lolololol.
I forgot to mention that in Tagalog, "Lola" means "Grandma." This just makes everything a whole lot funnier.
Of course me and my little sister cracked the fuck up because I said "Dammit! My grandmother gets hit on more than I do!!!" The woman's lapping me at the game of life! She's, what, almost 80???!! My best friend and I think that if she gets laid, she will probably stop being bitchy. She hasn't had sex in 40 years!!!!! I would be insane at that point. My best friend says, "Well, she probably isn't thinking about sex, she probably stopped thinking about it a long time ago" and I said, "Bullshit! The woman had, like, 7 or 8 kids, starting when she was 14!!! I know she's gotta be a tigress in the sack!"
Dood, the women in my family rock. Too bad I don't look like any of 'em! They're all tan with long black hair and pretty Filipino/Spanish features with a touch of Chinese...of course I must have not been there when the gentics fairies were handing out breasts because all the women in my family have them in perfect proportion and i'm built like a skinny lad...eh! I make up for it with ghetto booty.
**Excerpt from actual conversation**
"Bionic! Stop laughing! Stop!!! Listen to me!!! We're talking about a guy whose arms are so short he can't wipe his butt! This is serious!!!!"
My family told me Filipino fairy tales at the table and I was enthalled...they told me about "ashuang," a witch who lives under your house and who steals your newborn babies to drink their blood...another creature, half man and snake, who will suck your blood from a mile away with his long tongue...another who is half horse half human who is a giant...they were wonderful, fantastic tales. And I now know a phrase in Tagalog which strikes me:
"Malakas y Maganda" : "Tough and Beautiful"
Hahaha! I had to go eat lunch with my family today to celebrate my mom's birthday (which occured yesterday.) There was this old guy that was one of our neighbors back home, right? His name was Al. Whenever my grandma went for a walk, he'd offer her a ride in his car or offer to walk with her. Then he moved to Fremont a little while ago. So my mom says that the other weekend, he called for my grandma...our number's unlisted, so that means she gave him her number!!!! My mom says that my grandma got this huuuuge cheesy smile on her face and that while on the phone, she crossed her legs and kicked her foot around like one of those little teenyboppers on the phone with their quarterback boyfriend. Ha! Then my grandma took the phone to her room and they talked for a verrrrry long time about church and life...my grandma was just blushing. So then when they dropped me off at my place and I went to get out of the car. I said, "Good luck with Al, grandma" and she just says, "Yes." lolololol.
I forgot to mention that in Tagalog, "Lola" means "Grandma." This just makes everything a whole lot funnier.
Of course me and my little sister cracked the fuck up because I said "Dammit! My grandmother gets hit on more than I do!!!" The woman's lapping me at the game of life! She's, what, almost 80???!! My best friend and I think that if she gets laid, she will probably stop being bitchy. She hasn't had sex in 40 years!!!!! I would be insane at that point. My best friend says, "Well, she probably isn't thinking about sex, she probably stopped thinking about it a long time ago" and I said, "Bullshit! The woman had, like, 7 or 8 kids, starting when she was 14!!! I know she's gotta be a tigress in the sack!"
Dood, the women in my family rock. Too bad I don't look like any of 'em! They're all tan with long black hair and pretty Filipino/Spanish features with a touch of Chinese...of course I must have not been there when the gentics fairies were handing out breasts because all the women in my family have them in perfect proportion and i'm built like a skinny lad...eh! I make up for it with ghetto booty.
**Excerpt from actual conversation**
"Bionic! Stop laughing! Stop!!! Listen to me!!! We're talking about a guy whose arms are so short he can't wipe his butt! This is serious!!!!"
My family told me Filipino fairy tales at the table and I was enthalled...they told me about "ashuang," a witch who lives under your house and who steals your newborn babies to drink their blood...another creature, half man and snake, who will suck your blood from a mile away with his long tongue...another who is half horse half human who is a giant...they were wonderful, fantastic tales. And I now know a phrase in Tagalog which strikes me:
"Malakas y Maganda" : "Tough and Beautiful"
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And yes, my name is Randall. Check out the "real names" thread.
Thank you that tattoo idea