I had an oddly nostalgic day today, where I thought of each of the girls I have ever dated and played all of the old mixtapes they have given me as gifts. I tried to be positive and think of all of the things these girls have ever done to make me smile, and so I did smile. And I also came to the conclusion that it doesn't matter what anybody votes me on nonuglylesbians.com; the women I have dated have been the most gorgeous creatures in the entire WORLD so my looks must be enough to get by...


So I thought of all of the girls, and all of the lovely memories of phone conversations and dates and morning cuddling. I took the ghost of each memory, placed coins atop their veiled eyes, and put them to rest. Shut them all in a pretty porcelain box to take out again someday.

And I bolted the door to the women of the world. I realized today that I don't want to date for a long time. I am not prepared to date one more burglar or cannibal or coke addict. I can't do that anymore.

So I finally played my own mixtape, one of fiercely seductive battle music called, "Seduce and destroy" that starts off with the Rammstien remix of Rob Zombie's "Spookshow Baby." The speakers blared, "She's a killah! She's a thrillah!" My hand moved to the mouse and I deleted every personal ad I have on the internet. All of them, gone in one wave.

I crushed everything into powder, and blew. Put on my favorite lipstick, and dashed out the door to meet my friend Sara for tea and adventure.

So goodbye, my pretty lesbians. For now, I lead a simple life void of clubbing and alcohol, and thrive off of chicken broth and tea.

It is a declaration, not a warcry.

And I say uncle.

http://www.homestarrunner.com/sbemail9.html