I don't wanna talk about last night. 
For the first time in 21 years, I have no sense of direction right now. It makes me panic and therefore spin out of control. I am seeking progress, and am trying things I hate or abhor to see if they work.
Things will take time. And a change of location is necessary. I think as soon as I graduate I will go on that road trip across the U.S. that I told you about. A pilgrammage to Greenwich Village.
Of course who knows if I will get to graduate. I found out yesterday I may not have enough money to cover my last semester here, and this is a big problem. I've not wasted three years of my life in this city to not graduate at the last semester.
For now, i'm not going to think about this...a couple of my friends are Buddhists and they do not ache and burn for desire or change. They are content and wise. I need to learn what the Buddhists know; how to not burn with lust or envy, how to sit in lotus position and just be. Maybe I will start going to a Buddhist temple to learn what they know.
Also, I think I will start going to a gay church. As funny as this sounds, I really REALLY need Jesus or...something. I NEED THE LORD!!! *Shuffling around to organ music like a black woman in church*
Fun religious fact: In the Bible, eating shellfish is an abomination. Not a sin, AN ABOMINATION. It's completely unforgivable in the eyes of the Lord.
For the first time in 21 years, I have no sense of direction right now. It makes me panic and therefore spin out of control. I am seeking progress, and am trying things I hate or abhor to see if they work.
Things will take time. And a change of location is necessary. I think as soon as I graduate I will go on that road trip across the U.S. that I told you about. A pilgrammage to Greenwich Village.
Of course who knows if I will get to graduate. I found out yesterday I may not have enough money to cover my last semester here, and this is a big problem. I've not wasted three years of my life in this city to not graduate at the last semester.
For now, i'm not going to think about this...a couple of my friends are Buddhists and they do not ache and burn for desire or change. They are content and wise. I need to learn what the Buddhists know; how to not burn with lust or envy, how to sit in lotus position and just be. Maybe I will start going to a Buddhist temple to learn what they know.
Also, I think I will start going to a gay church. As funny as this sounds, I really REALLY need Jesus or...something. I NEED THE LORD!!! *Shuffling around to organ music like a black woman in church*
Fun religious fact: In the Bible, eating shellfish is an abomination. Not a sin, AN ABOMINATION. It's completely unforgivable in the eyes of the Lord.
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I'm also considering the Buddhism thing...there's a temple in my hometown that I'd like to start going to when I get back. The Dalai Llama is also coming there in September.
If you feel like Toronto is a good change of location for you, I'll give you a free ice cream :-)