billieprudence

Hello again everyone.

I'm ok... I feel emotionnaly fragile, and I think too much. I must let go of all my deceptions... Its so hard.
I'm 34, I have severe social problems, I have such a bad temper and I'm a real pain in the ass for my close friends and relatives... I keep so much anger for being so wrong in everything I do for the last 20 years... Its a very long time in the wrong alley... So many thing I should have done, and too many I want to forget...
I know that having regrets is the worste thing.. I should look forward and be strong... But there is nothing ahead.. nothing.
I am like a robot. I dont know what I want, where I am going. I wake up sad, and I go to sleep crying. I'm hurt for things I dont even know... It just hurt.. for no reasons... I feel so nostalgic everytime.. I'm a sad soul

I have a lot of projects going on..and even with this I feel alone and empty. I do my job and I go home. I feel like I'm waiting for someone, or something... Maybe its me I'm looking for, and I am so lost, I cant find myself.... Its been like that for too long

I've been hurt very badly by a specific abusive relationship... I'm gonna remain bruised for the rest of my life.. Its terrible and so painful.. I'm getting scared of myself again.. Im so unstable, tired of spinning around in my head and life. I cry next to my daughter while she sleeps, and I feel so weak and I know it should not be like that. Its so unhealthy... What kind of example am I to my kids?? Oh shit I wanna die........

I should be on medication, I thought I was stronger, I thought I was better than the pills. I dont want to go to the doc again... I went 1 week ago and it lasted 10 min, and I'm tired of explaining myself... my state changes all the time.. I react to everything in so many different ways... AAAAARRRGGGH!!!!!
And I do feel like an alien, a big failure, I feel like pure shit everytime I go there....

I'm in a very bad phase now, and I hope things wont get worste.. I want to carve FAILURE all over my skin. I want to dissapear....

*sigh* I might need support and help...

Im no good...



Counting the days to the East Coast Sg Gala... I will be there, with my guest, and I saw SG Wildy is on the guest list now!!! I'm so happy, she is the most pulp sexy woman I've seen in years!!!! I remember the first time I've met her

I wish she will do the trip with me!!!!!
If you want to travel and share the gas with me, just tell me, I'll see what I can do

Wanna see pictures of me? Here are some from a shoot I did in april..I just recieved the cd by mail today...Yeah it took forever but dont worry, I did show him MANY times I was very unhappy with his laziness and slowness A unhappy Billie is something you dont want to experience..trust me. I have a very very unpleasant way to show when thing are not what I want. I become over sarcastic and pretty mean. And I'm not scared of telling things publicly. I you dont deliver or mess with me about work, everyone around will know it. period. Dont start shooting with other girls when you dont even have finished with the one you've shoot before. 2 1/2 months for a fucking cd with 10 pics on it is a JOKE... anyway... at least the pictures are pretty. A bit overdone, but that's his style.

What do you think?? ENLARGE (+) THE PICS TO SEE BETTER!!!!!



AND

this is how I look right now june 21 3am...


Oh! and I just ADORE-WORSHIP those 2 videos from 1984 MADONNA from her first album





Have a great week okay
XxX



edit on june 22 3 am cant sleep again...
This really crack me up... LOL Conan is my hero for real!! I just cant stop laughing!!!!!!