benni

i didnt know how to start this. i dont even know the number of times ive began these with those words... its coming up on two hours of my staring down tthis cursor (losing. loooooosing!) and as time ticks on and my mind drifts off, its harder and harder to rein it in to do me any good here.

the blank page is my enemy, a difficult thing to mold into... anytrhing, i guess, but this blank wasteland of empty breath in partidular ia kicking my ass. maybe it feelslike...

bed time...

im tired,. im nodding off every couple of minutes,and when i do, i have these odd dream snippets...some norrmal, some... terrifying....

just me. just me.
the shot of morphine they gave me may as well have water, i flailed and cursed and writhed until they produced another shot...

i remember that.



"there. that should make you feel better."
"what was--?"
"atavan. can you feel that?"
"no,i....."

and the next thing i know....
lm home.

screw you, emergency room.