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beledi

Canada

Member Since 2003

Followers 90 Following 98

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Wednesday Nov 19, 2003

Nov 19, 2003
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According to dictionary.com

grief n.
Deep mental anguish, as that arising from bereavement. See Synonyms at regret.
A source of deep mental anguish.

i'm not sure if it's all mental. it certainly doesn't feel like it's all mental. although my brain does feel rather removed and like it's denying something, particularly it's normal function of being somewhat witty and relatively smart. i've been having problems stringing sentences together at times... i forgot how hard it is to lose someone you love. the last time i had to deal with it was in high school when a close friend died of an asthma attack. but i don't remember it being like this. my mind feeling like it's ten sizes larger than it needs to be, yet filled with nothing in particular. my hands not completely coordinated with the rest of my body. nothing feeling quite the same... the urge to cry constantly at the tip of my senses, but still denying it. perhaps i just need to bawl for a few hours. maybe that would clear my head a bit. maybe i need to spend a good long time alone, but it's been so good to have someone here to cry and get it out with. but not wanting to be constantly sitting on the couch in tears...

ukrainian funeral songs have been haunting me since yesterday. went to pottery class, felt good, but couldn't get them out of my head. didn't matter how loud the seether was in the car on the way home. still stuck. wouldn't go away. won't go away. maybe i need to let them escape by the good old cryfest. i'll have to do something. try to get things back to some semblance of normality. i can't work, i can't think, i can't... blah, this fucking sucks.
VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
clicheguevara:
Hot damn! Thank you ever so much for telling me of this band that Dax is in ......... wow.
And now that I think about it, I sort of remember my friend saying something about them... but I just didn't care cause I was content with just my Bath of Acid... haha. But really... wow... thanks
Nov 20, 2003
veruscavandalizm:
Whenever someone dies I'm the one my friends call. I think it's because I don't see death as a negative thing. In a way I see it as evolution, you know, if there were anything that could possibly transcend the act of evolving. I don't know if that makes any sense to you...just sharing my thoughts.

You are very welcome, as for the comment(s) I've made to you.



[Edited on Nov 21, 2003 11:03AM]
Nov 21, 2003

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