becca_____

My birthday is in exactly one week. Every year I really look forward to it, and almost every year it turns out horribly. Half the time I end up in tears. I had really high hopes for this year, but it's looking like it'll probably end up about the same.

The other night I was hanging out with a friend, and he told me to...
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I guess the universe really wants to keep things balanced, because tonight I had a shitty shitty night at work, and got the second least amount I've ever gotten in tips. I really want to go out and drink, but I have no one to go with. I feel lame.

Tonight at work I had my second best night of tips ever. So that is something good. And it's all I can think of right now.

I've been in the slow painful process of rearranging my room and trying to get everything organized for the first time ever. Today I went and bought a huge super heavy shelf, somehow managed to get it into my car, out of my car, upstairs, and assembled. When I got it into my room I realized it wouldn't work in the spot I had set...
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I was doing so well for awhile, but now I am sad again, and I don't know why.

I saw The Aristocrats today. It's so so so good. You should all go see it. Seriously.

The Substitute Wife is maybe the best Lifetime movie ever.

Yes, I know that's a bold statement, considering all the amazing competition it has. But anything starring Lea Thompson and Farrah Fawcett has got to be up there. See, Lea Thompson is a frontier wife who falls down, and thereby realizes she's dying. She decides she has to find her husband a new wife before...
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So during the wonderful conversation I had with my ex, he mentioned that his new girlfriend had seen a picture of me and thought I was hot and wanted to have a threesome with me. I just kind of laughed it off, since I have absolutely no interest in having sex with either of them. I thought that was the end of it.

So today...
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I wish I could ever make a decision and stick with it and know it was the right one, but I think I'm doomed to uncertainty and insecurity for life.

I had an amazing conversation with my exboyfriend tonight. We talked for hours and were more honest with each other than we've been in years. For some reason it feels weird/perfect/necessary to hear the no...
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My roommates are both out of town, so I have my very own apartment tonight. It feels good to just spend a night at home, after going out five nights in a row. That's about it.

Slowly but surely, I'm figuring things out and getting things in order. It's about time. Hopefully it's not too late.

I've spent hours now reading Venice's old journal entries, which I hope doesn't make me creepy and weird, especially since I've never spoken to her. She's just such an amazing writer and I keep reading things that are exactly what I've thought but could never put into words.

I think I need to go to the beach. I actually can't remember the last time...
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