beautifulxalone

I have two huge tests tomorrow. I missed a quiz last week that I have to make up as well. I also have Spanish homework, and I have to study for the second test after taking the first test. I'm proud of myself for diligently studying, and actually getting my notecards done before the night before the test. I feel confident, for once.

I bought the Deftones' B-sides. Fucking fantastic buy. Very much so worth the 22$. Deftones, you never cease to amaze me. No ordinary love = favorite cover.


There's nothing like, you&i baby..................


I'm starting a regular schedule at my internship @ the shelter this week. I'll be going 4 days a week, but doing smaller time slots (only 2 hrs a day) because that place burns me out very fast. I'm hoping that it'll bring me back to reality to see that 5 year olds have bigger and more real problems than my own....maybe it'll pull me out of this self-defeated funk I've been in lately. Maybe...

I slept until 2 o clock today, and woke up with puffy eyes. I could barely open them. Last night was emotionally draining like I knew it'd be...I didn't really get any of the answers I was looking for, I just cried. It hurt my insides from choking back the tears. I couldn't look at you, and everytime you looked at me, I looked away. You're not in love with me anymore, and I cannot accept it. I cannot accept the fact that you finally got fed up with me, and now you're gone for good. Why am I a complete failure when it comes to love? Everything good that I have I push away, and everything bad in my life I just can't ever shake. Twisted.

If a dream's all that I got -- then I wish you in a fairy tale where you're still in love with me.......

I much enjoy the latest Cold CD too. Melodic.


I miss Kerry so much. It's very hard to not have her around...and I can't believe I haven't seen her since the end of August. I'm going to try to plan a trip to the city to see her next week. I feel like I haven't really talked to her in awhile.

I realized the other day that the holidays are going to be very depressing this year. The winter will drag, and be very cold.

I wish I could fast-forward to May...maybe like the second week, so I could graduate? I just want out at this point. And it seems to be a very hard and long road to out. I never thought this year would be so demanding as it has been this year. Emotionally, physically, mentally. I'm fucking drained...and it's only October. I guess it just all came crashing down on me at once? That's what I get for living in some jaded reality for three years. My so-called perfect world. Yeah fucking right.

I took some phone cam pix the other night.




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Anyone have LiveJournal? Because I've been writing in there alot more recently since my SG subscription should be up soon. Holler @ me on there if you do : : xghettochyldx ... I've had that journal since 2000. weird.


Okay I'm going to rest up for another long day tomorrow.


xox.