beatnikside

An old friend of mine, a man I worked with back in the 1990s but haven't seen in many years, attempted suicide last week. I have made only oblique mention of this terrible event in my Facebook and Twitter, because those accounts are read by clients of mine and I prefer not to reveal much of myself to the people who pay me (more for their own good than my own), and I didn't mention it in here at all despite the fact that this site has "suicide" right there in the title. Today, however, my friend's life support was shut off, and I feel like I've got to clear my head.

I feel awful for not having reached out to him more often than I did. I knew he was going through one hell of a tough time, but I thought that he'd come out of that darkness; I honestly thought he was doing well. It never occurred to me that he was putting up a false front, just as I do through Facebook and the like, and now I've spoken my last to a friend because I was too lazy to think beyond appearances. I will never allow myself to do that again.

Anyway, I don't mean to start the week off miserable. Some friends are having a local wake for our absent friend this Wednesday, and has family has made it clear that they want his life celebrated, not mourned. This is me clearing my desk and my conscience, and remembering all the great things my friend gave me in our time together. And this is me looking at my friends and loved ones, and making plans to let every last one of them know that they are beloved.