This may sound all pathetic or like I am crying for help. PLEASE don't pity me nor think I am looking for attention because I will feel it is fake and it will never lead to anything. I think this is ironic I am using this blog site of incredibly sexy woman to vent my thoughts about being truly alone. These thoughts are fresh in my head and I was on this site enjoying the scenery when I just had to jot them down before they went away.
I need to come up with another word for someone who is committing to never date. Never engage in any romantic interests. Its not for religious reasons for I am not religious in anyway. I am not going to argue the esoteric side of this. I am not trying to abstain for better sex with someone that I want to wait for because I will never get married again. I have done it twice and both for extremely wrong reasons. As for dating I have put myself out there many times and always making the bad choices or never having the perfect timing or it was not doing it for me as much as it was for her. I am also 49 years old which means I am in no mans land. I am to old for the 30's to 40's and I will never get involved with someone older than me. I don't believe in fate nor do I believe in a soulmate.
I used to be the romantic kind of guy. Always believing in fate or finding the one. It has gone now. I am older and wiser. I have had this issue with love. romance and women since grade school now that I think about it. I guess it was never meant to be in this life time or if there is any other. Many people die alone every year. I remember finally breaking down one night because I believe now it was something greater than me telling me it was over and just never meant to be apart of my life.
I am slowly filling in this part of me with other things. I think I will always feel this phantom limb, but at least the pain will be gone hopefully soon. The desire being replaced with numbness. One day there will be just me.