what would you do?

6

So I have a bit of a dilemma. This will take a bit of set up before I get to the issue at hand so bear with me a moment while i "set the scene".

About 2 years ago, my boyfriend and I started a savings jar. At the time we had no specific plans for it, but we decided to use it to treat ourselves for our 10 year anniversary. Considering that that is next month, we decided to count it today. Over the course of filling this jar, we put a lot of bills in it, not just change. Well when we counted it today, we noticed that there were no larger bills (10s and 20s) and only 3 5 dollar bills. That did not seem right to either of us. I know Ive seen a 10 and a 20 in there, it's a clear jar. and only 3 5s in 2 years?? My memory sucks and I smoke a lot of pot but I KNOW there were big bills in there.

Now.... Neither of us dipped into that jar. I am confident of that. And the list of people that knew about this jar aside from us is all of 2 people. And the list of people with both motive and opportunity is 1. My roommate/coworker who is always broke as shit, can't manage money, and has admitted to stealing shit before, albeit not from friends.... and is home alone in the apartment every thursday.

the issue is..... I have no PROOF. i am not terribly upset about the missing money, we still have a nice starting place for our anniversary. I AM on the other hand Very very upset that I am almost positive that someone I considered a friend, that i invited to come live with us, would go INTO my CLOSET and steal my money.

Do I confront him even without proof? I feel that doing that will end with him moving out regardless. I am not terribly upset by that, but i don't want to go down that road when I don't have evidence. Ideally he would admit what he did and perhaps we can move forward, but i assume he will try and deny it and throw a fit about being accused and thus there it all goes. he is entirely immature But even if i don't confront him, there is no way to hide my feelings. i am TERRIBLE at that. I can never look at him the same.

So how do you handle it?

VIEW 11 of 11 COMMENTS
waitformetoturnblue:
What @timjimmy and @catdad said. Delicacy is key without proof, especially since it could be one of two people. Roommate is (probably) the most likely candidate, but without proof, the fact is, you don't *know*. I also endorse the idea of a lockbox. Or, you could do what my brother and his wife do--every couple of weeks, take whatever you've set aside, whether it's just a bunch of change, extra bills--$5s, the stray $10 and $20--and deposit them into a savings account. Actually, what they do is shave off 10% of his paychecks, and whatever her tip money is for the night (she delivers pizzas as extra money twice a week and every other weekend), and they watch it grow. They've put away almost $4000 in the last 7 months since they started doing this in Jan. Just a thought.
wizard0:
Speaking for probably a lot of guys, subtle hints do not work.  I either don't recognize them, or ignore them, because they can be easily mis-interpreted.  How about, "Hey, you know that change jar we had?  A lot of bills are missing from there.  Do you have any idea what might have happened to it?"

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