The last couple of days have been pretty weird. I've spent about 8 or 9 hours sorting through an old friend's massive collection of punk records.
Umbar died about 5 years ago of a heroin overdose. He was a roadie for L7 and started fucking one of them (name starts with D) and she got him strung out. He was one of the original South Florida SxEx kids in the early 80's. Strange way for him to go.
Digging through the records was bizarre because it kept conjuring up so many old memories. Memories of Umbar, finding records he had stolen from me (little fukker!), finding records I had done artwork for and don't have any longer, justa constant flashback to years and years ago.
It really got me wondering about the meaning of my life. Why did I survive so many years of addiction and he didn't? Hell, I died of an OD while partying with Buzz-Ov'en and came back. Why didn't he? He had so many plans for his life after he recuperated from the accident with Metallica. He was in the sleeper cab of the Semi that crashed and was in a coma for 3 months. He had to learn how to walk and talk again. He said he wanted to be a physical therapist. He was supposed to start school after he got back from the European tour with L7. He never made it back alive.
When I tell people bits and pieces of my life they always say, "God must have a plan for you." Well, what the fuck is it then?? I mean, I truly enjoy my life. I love my job but did God really mean for me to be an Analyst for the rest of my life? Did I come back from death so I can analyze policies and trends? Doesn't seem like a really profound existence.
I dunno, this weekend just has me weirded out. It definitely has given me the resolve to stay sober. Plus I got a shitload of fukkin rad old records...now I just gotta figure out how I'm gonna afford them. Anyone got $1000 I can borrow??
Umbar died about 5 years ago of a heroin overdose. He was a roadie for L7 and started fucking one of them (name starts with D) and she got him strung out. He was one of the original South Florida SxEx kids in the early 80's. Strange way for him to go.
Digging through the records was bizarre because it kept conjuring up so many old memories. Memories of Umbar, finding records he had stolen from me (little fukker!), finding records I had done artwork for and don't have any longer, justa constant flashback to years and years ago.
It really got me wondering about the meaning of my life. Why did I survive so many years of addiction and he didn't? Hell, I died of an OD while partying with Buzz-Ov'en and came back. Why didn't he? He had so many plans for his life after he recuperated from the accident with Metallica. He was in the sleeper cab of the Semi that crashed and was in a coma for 3 months. He had to learn how to walk and talk again. He said he wanted to be a physical therapist. He was supposed to start school after he got back from the European tour with L7. He never made it back alive.
When I tell people bits and pieces of my life they always say, "God must have a plan for you." Well, what the fuck is it then?? I mean, I truly enjoy my life. I love my job but did God really mean for me to be an Analyst for the rest of my life? Did I come back from death so I can analyze policies and trends? Doesn't seem like a really profound existence.
I dunno, this weekend just has me weirded out. It definitely has given me the resolve to stay sober. Plus I got a shitload of fukkin rad old records...now I just gotta figure out how I'm gonna afford them. Anyone got $1000 I can borrow??
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I dunno if God has a plan or not. I'm just going by what others have said. Why would I live while others, much more worthy of life than I, die an early death. It just doesn't make sense. I think all of this introspection has to do with the realization I am getting older...I had my first prostate exam on Friday. Fukkin ick!! Trust me when I tell you that greasy-old-man-finger-up-the-ass is _nothing_ like hot-girl-finger-up-the-ass-while-while-getting-yer-balls-licked.
Personally, I don't believe God has specific plans for ANYONE, but that doesn't make the fact that you survived years of addiction any less important.
If nothing else, it shows that you are physically and mentally and emotionally strong enough to beat incredible odds.
Fuck me for intruding, of course, but I'm feeling very reflective and pensive and wanted to spread that feeling around a bit.