bakuto

Chom ba chom ba chui chom, ba chui chui chom!!!

Honestly, I have no idea what to put here. Actually, I hate starting these things out like that, I just thought it worthwhile to just have an update... but everything's been pretty status fucking quo. No new tattoos... no new things. Oh, finished my finals last week. I guess THAT'S new. Saw the wife on How I Met Your Mother. Had some tofurky about five minutes ago... that's pretty much what's been going on. Just trying to write new songs or think of fun photo shoot ideas. The usual.

I have ten days until I set feet down in Colombia... that's pretty cool. I seriously can NOT wait for that. I can already feel it... Best. Birthday. Ever!!! I'm physically dying to see the person I'm going to see. Literally, dying. I've had this rather rough stabbed feeling in my stomach. Like the piercing, slicing, physical object being there, actual feeling and then walking around with the knife still in me. I can't express enough, how I'm not being over dramatic about it. So much so, that I actually went to a doctor (Yes, I... Mr "Is that the bone sticking out? Fuck it, I'll walk it off" I went to a doctor!!!) not too long ago on account of it's having been there almost non-stop for quite a while. I thought it was just me, but after it went on for so long, having remembered my history and what had happened to Harry Houdini... I thought that it might be appendicitis. Nope, there's nothing physically wrong. So, the doctor asks me if there's been anything that has changed in my life and I go on about "Well, kind of met someone... but the situation is far from ideal." and he asks me if I've felt dizzy or sick or anything else, but then I tell him "Well, every time she tells me (insert un-ideal aspects)... I vomit." His response was "Yeaaa... that's the cause of your pain." Apparently, it's some kind of psychosomatic way of dealing with the stress of the situation. Go figure, who knew?

I was actually invited to this nice party this Saturday, with a bunch of Models, Photographers and Agents in the area... I'm not sure if I'm going yet or not... but I wouldn't mind it. I was thinking if I can get my black Dior tux back, to bust out the jacket with a tshirt and jeans... just to be a smartass. Although, I kind of feel like that'd be one hell of a gamble, but might actually somehow pull off. I don't know, I'm probably looking at it idealistically. Actually, I probably should've waited until after that, then I could've put photos in with this. Meh...

So I'm actually looking for a job to save up money for my next move. I think I'll leave the country again, this time. So yea... ME, looking for a job. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm just a creative person and in the spirit of honesty, were I put in a cubicle, I'd probably hang myself with my mouse cord by lunch... if I'm actually able to have one. Admittedly, I've never been one for "hard work" as most put it. The thing is, that if growing up, anybody reading this saw the value of hard work and applies it to their lives, then by all means, I applaud you. However, I didn't see such things. What I did see, was my grandfather killing himself on a daily basis and then for my father to turn around and do the same thing. Both men killed themselves day in and day out, to live hand to mouth and ended up as broken men with failing health by their forties and nothing to show for it. So, as a youngster, seeing this... no fucking thanks. Alas, this led me at a young age to start scheming. To use my head and savvy... but don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that I don't "work hard" or that I have a weak ethic, as when I was in a band or had a studio, I put in the time, the effort and the sweat/tears/blood/etc... but my reasoning is just that if I'm going to bust my ass, then it's going to be for MY dream... why the hell should I kill myself for somebody else's? I know, it can be argued that "That's just the way it is..." Once again, by all means have at it... but it's not for me. Which leads me to circle back to the original opening of this paragraph. With this said, I've actually been applying to a lot of places, because the "Dream" now, is to get up out of here. So, this is what I'm faced with. Sun Tzu 101, when parameters change, so do methods.

I don't know... I'm sure if I have anything else to add... I'll put it in here. Thanks for reading. Haha, perhaps a peek into the glaring psychosis that is I...