azhben

it hurts so much. i can't sleep, i can't eat.
but i know now that he won't come back.

its just hard to see him already moved on.
when did you stop loving me?
no response. i will always CARE about you. i will TREASURE THE TIME WE HAD.
those are not answers.
i don't want to HATE YOU and that is the first time i can say that about a BREAK UP.
that is little consolation.
i need my SPACE. there is no more WE. WE is no longer you and i.
you left me for another woman.
i didn't DUMP you for ANYBODY.


everything is turned against me.
you are a liar. you are a woman-hopper.
you stick around until it's all run out, then you have already found another.
this one is like your last one.
has kids, is a teacher... and when i asked you about her you told me you didn't know her.
i just i guess that i will try as hard as i can to move forward,
because it has only been a week of everyone telling me to.
i guess that i should start believing i'm better than this,
something has to help.

i feel like i am drowning. like i am on fire. like i am emtpy and entirely too full.
sleeping is so so so so hard. it is so hard to sleep alone.
i can hear everything. from the wind to the rain to the thoughts in my own head.
no more arms around me. it just seems so stupid.

i don't really want to eat. it is very hard to think about eating.

i wonder if this new girl, if he makes it official and dates her (only a week out and he has spent more time on facebook than in the past 2 years.) if she will dress up. or have a problem with the constant masturbation. i wonder if he will do the dishes or any housework for her. will she get past his tantrums, his throwing things, or was that only for me.

she is almost 40. just like the one before me.
maybe i was a 4 year long freak accident.

i have the twilight movie. i am scared to watch it. esp. when the cover brags - MOST EPIC ROMANCE SINCE TITANTIC although i didn't like titantic.

i feel ready to take a tiny step forward. i just don't know where to go.