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azhben

omaha, nebraska

Member Since 2006

Followers 100 Following 121

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Wednesday Apr 01, 2009

Mar 31, 2009
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coming home to nobody.
convincing myself not to look forward to seeing him when i leave and come home.
he's not coming back.
but maybe he is?
he isn't.
all his stuff is in bags and boxes that i put there.
mom wanted to put his clothes in the garage.
have a little heart.
i don't know what this will be like.
i can't be around him and not be in love with him.
we can't be friends. not now.
what would you do? buy me a beer? beat me in scrabble?
the whole time just re-ripping my heart seams out.
sleeping alone is such an adjustment.
it just feels like i'm waiting for him to come back.
i don't know if some friends are blowing smoke up my ass,
and others i know i can hang my heart on for now.
did you give him back his ring?
the gem fell out weeks ago, i already did.

i know i am strong enough. probably.
i just feel very tiny and hurt right now.
like bleeding all over.

ok well. got to go back to work today.
rosaleigh:
it's okay to feel like you do right now. You will for a while, but you're right--you ARE strong enough. You know that, we know that. smile friends is a bad idea for a looong time. You need to get angry, and he needs to grow up. After everything blows over, maybe friends.
just don't let yourself wait for him, it'll only hurt you more.

I love you. chin up.
Apr 1, 2009
shadowslightness:
I empathize. frown

It's so hard. All those feelings can drive you mad when you have to face them on your own.

Things will get easier with time. If there's anything I can do...
Apr 4, 2009

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