I used to be a really good person when it came to 'blogs' and keeping them updated. Then that got me in to too much trouble, so I abandoned ship on that idea. Sometimes I miss it a lot, other times I am glad for the privacy and lack of drama.
I just finished Walk The Line today, which was suprisingly good. I had heard good things about it, but not being a very big Johnny Cash fan (my parents were far too young and too pop - I wasn't exposed to that era of music at all) I put off seeing it until now. I'm glad I did see it, it's one of the few movies I have seen in a long time that I could watch more than once and not be completely bored with it. I think that mostly has to do with the music. Put good music in a movie and I'll watch it a hundred times. Anyway - the movie was wonderful and I'm excited to explore that avenue of genre and music.
Last night I went out and :gasp: actually had make-up on my face. I couldn't understand why I felt insecure all night.. it's the goddamned make-up. Without it I know EXACTLY what I look like, no big deal, but with make-up I know I don't look entirely like ME, so what DO I look like? Do I look like a zombie queen? What do all these people 10 years my senior think I look like, do they think I'm a zombie queen idiot? Why do I care!? Ugh! It makes me just a little insane. I like being myself without a mask, without my face painted up. This device that other women use to cover up their insecurities only seemed to make mine magnify ten-fold.
i am weird, i know.
I can't shake the feeling that I'm waiting for something that may never happen, or that I'm screwing everything up. I don't think the anxiety of a couple of weeks ago has completely left me. Coping like this is hard.
Also - pathology finally came back on my mom today, she has a sarcoma (i think?) high grade, so that's scary. She starts chemo soon.
She is worried about her hair falling out and I can tell that she is very sad, but like me she keeps it buried deep in herself. This makes it hard to comfort her.
Anyway. I suppose I had better get back to doing things around the house. Adios.
I just finished Walk The Line today, which was suprisingly good. I had heard good things about it, but not being a very big Johnny Cash fan (my parents were far too young and too pop - I wasn't exposed to that era of music at all) I put off seeing it until now. I'm glad I did see it, it's one of the few movies I have seen in a long time that I could watch more than once and not be completely bored with it. I think that mostly has to do with the music. Put good music in a movie and I'll watch it a hundred times. Anyway - the movie was wonderful and I'm excited to explore that avenue of genre and music.
Last night I went out and :gasp: actually had make-up on my face. I couldn't understand why I felt insecure all night.. it's the goddamned make-up. Without it I know EXACTLY what I look like, no big deal, but with make-up I know I don't look entirely like ME, so what DO I look like? Do I look like a zombie queen? What do all these people 10 years my senior think I look like, do they think I'm a zombie queen idiot? Why do I care!? Ugh! It makes me just a little insane. I like being myself without a mask, without my face painted up. This device that other women use to cover up their insecurities only seemed to make mine magnify ten-fold.
i am weird, i know.
I can't shake the feeling that I'm waiting for something that may never happen, or that I'm screwing everything up. I don't think the anxiety of a couple of weeks ago has completely left me. Coping like this is hard.
Also - pathology finally came back on my mom today, she has a sarcoma (i think?) high grade, so that's scary. She starts chemo soon.
She is worried about her hair falling out and I can tell that she is very sad, but like me she keeps it buried deep in herself. This makes it hard to comfort her.
Anyway. I suppose I had better get back to doing things around the house. Adios.
blogs are a problem for me...either i never find the time; or never have anything interesting enough to post.
nice pics btw.