I wish I knew what to call this feeling.
It isn't loneliness. It kind of feels like loneliness but it can't be. I am quite active socially. I have friends whom I see often (including my housemates whom I see daily). I have a loving family whom I see on a fairly regular basis. I go out and spend time interacting with people several times a week. To suggest that I could be lonely is absurd.
The cynical might suggest that I'm just horny and sexually frustrated. And I certainly am that. I masturbate quite a lot but even the best wank isn't a substitute for getting skin to skin with a real life human being. The soft wet feeling of the inside of a vagina. Feeling her body move as she comes. Cuddling together when you're both filled with a post-orgasmic glow.
If I describe what I feel I'm missing as 'intimate company' then it sounds like it's just a euphemism for sex. Especially since I do miss sex a lot. But that's not all of it. Even a big part of what I miss about sex isn't just about the physical act of fucking, but the emotional connection that comes with it.
So whatever this feeling is, it's something that is not quite the same as loneliness, but isn't just sexual frustration either. It's sort of a combination of both. Intimacy-starvation? I don't know.
It's not a good feeling.
