audaciazero

Every employment choice I have made has taught me to become more and more observant. I don't consider it a skill, as useful as it can be. A burden. My current job has taught me the art of not reacting. I'm very aware of when I am being lied to, when facts/circumstances/encounters are being omitted based on what my reaction might be, when promises are broken, when emotion is absent because thoughts lie with someone else. At work I expect these things. In my personal life, the anger and bitterness simmers, but I do not act or react. "I'm fine." The worst part of watching someone you are attracted to have eyes for someone else is that thought: He wants her, I know, because that's the way he used to act with me. And I let it fucking simmer. Having it thrown in my face, that's what it is. Why someone I work with, know, that you met at a party when you were going home with me. fuck. The arrangement is clear, but can't I be respected enough to have the illusion

hell if I know what I'm talking about right now