aster

big thunderstorm in toronto! hooray!

i'm feeling vaguely depressed today. why is that? maybe i'm kind of down after going to my cousin's wedding and seeing my grandma (82 but looking absolutely gorgeous in her red velvet chinese dress with shimmery gold threads) and being caught in the family whirlwind. i loved being there, but i felt so guilty about not wanting to get married.

the weirdest part was at the reception, when my cousin dragged all the unmarried girls up to the front to do the bouquet toss. as i was ducking behind the tallest girl i could find, i heard my cousin saying, "come on, even the engaged girls have to come up! and i know half the girls here will be married within the year!" i looked around from where i was cowering and i realized she was right. almost every chick i saw had a big fat rock on her wedding finger. it was creepy.

is there something wrong with me?!! later, at the hotel, i pulled out my issue of BUST magazine for a relaxing night's read. but--goddamn! the theme of this issue is motherhood. i don't want to think about that! AHGHGHGHGHGH!