does anyone like weddings? i'll be in toronto this weekend for a wedding. my cousin is getting married--not, i suspect, because this is the man of her dreams, but because she's 29 and "it's time." i guess i shouldn't tell her that i know more divorced people under 30 than married ones...and that they got married for stupid reasons too. i don't ever want to be married myself, so i have to prepare for the inevitable pity from the relatives. this will be so fun!
EIGHT THINGS I HATE ABOUT WEDDINGS:
1. the religious part, where we're all sitting in the church, and the minister says, "may god join the hands of the blessed couple in marriage...alison and david!"
2. the fact that i usually don't know "alison and david" (or anyone else) and feel like an impostor. i love weddings where the couple are friends of mine (very fun) but otherwise i find they drag and drag.
3. the very big time commitment involved in going to an afternoon--or fuck, a morning--ceremony, hanging around for the dead space in between, and then going to a reception that runs until midnight or later...
4. ...usually in some tiny town an hour's drive away, such as ponoka...
5. ...while my real friends are having a party in town.
6. the guilt i feel eating and drinking at a wedding where i'm an ungrateful guest and it's their "big day."
7. the weird gendered games that take place at receptions, e.g., where the boys go to one side of the room and the girls to the other side, and then they have to do some dance and embarrass each other. it's so...heterosexual!
8. the humiliating rituals that the couples are sometimes forced to take part in at chinese wedding banquets,
e.g., a pear is dangled on a string in between the blindfolded couple and they have to try to bite it, but they of course wind up bumping faces, ha ha!
e.g., the bride is blindfolded and required to roll two raw eggs up the pant legs of the groom, then switch each egg to the other pant leg over his crotch, and roll them back down. don't break his "balls," ha ha!
e.g., the bride and groom are blindfolded...a gong is tied around the bride's waist, and, around the groom's waist, a big stick...then the groom is supposed to bang the gong...
YOU GET THE PICTURE! it's especially bad because chinese culture is pretty sexually repressed, this is one of the few sanctioned ways that it comes out, and people go totally overboard. so hypocritical.
EIGHT THINGS I HATE ABOUT WEDDINGS:
1. the religious part, where we're all sitting in the church, and the minister says, "may god join the hands of the blessed couple in marriage...alison and david!"
2. the fact that i usually don't know "alison and david" (or anyone else) and feel like an impostor. i love weddings where the couple are friends of mine (very fun) but otherwise i find they drag and drag.
3. the very big time commitment involved in going to an afternoon--or fuck, a morning--ceremony, hanging around for the dead space in between, and then going to a reception that runs until midnight or later...
4. ...usually in some tiny town an hour's drive away, such as ponoka...
5. ...while my real friends are having a party in town.
6. the guilt i feel eating and drinking at a wedding where i'm an ungrateful guest and it's their "big day."
7. the weird gendered games that take place at receptions, e.g., where the boys go to one side of the room and the girls to the other side, and then they have to do some dance and embarrass each other. it's so...heterosexual!
8. the humiliating rituals that the couples are sometimes forced to take part in at chinese wedding banquets,
e.g., a pear is dangled on a string in between the blindfolded couple and they have to try to bite it, but they of course wind up bumping faces, ha ha!
e.g., the bride is blindfolded and required to roll two raw eggs up the pant legs of the groom, then switch each egg to the other pant leg over his crotch, and roll them back down. don't break his "balls," ha ha!
e.g., the bride and groom are blindfolded...a gong is tied around the bride's waist, and, around the groom's waist, a big stick...then the groom is supposed to bang the gong...
YOU GET THE PICTURE! it's especially bad because chinese culture is pretty sexually repressed, this is one of the few sanctioned ways that it comes out, and people go totally overboard. so hypocritical.
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(does that qualify as poetry?)
well, i'm off to toronto. see you all in a week!