Maybe people who read more of my blogs already know. Last year was quite tough for me. In the beginning of the year, I lost myself in a burn-out. It was a slow process, first I didn't realise what was going on. The only thing I realised was, I was closing down. Shutting myself of from the world, from my friends. My emotional word became grey, became flat, unlike when you struggle with depression. I couldn't care anymore.
Finally, the day I had to pack my bags to have some rest in a beautiful country at the other side of the world, panic overruled my life. I was lost in my own living room, and kept on sitting there for weeks. Staring through my window. Just trying to cope with myself, being introverted as fuck, dealing with hypersensitivity, dealing with myself.
To be honest, there where days I didn't speak at all. But I did meet some great people over here! (@thanatoz I don't want to sound creepy, but just your smile from time to time was really important to me! so yeah, thank god for people like you, just being nice to one another. It can give a day a much brighter colour, really!)
But I did realise something had to change, and I couldn't change anything on my own. I started to link to my friend a bit more. I started to straighten my mind and to think about how on earth I could start all over. I have been thinking about moving abroad, I've been thinking about lot's of stuff. But during summer, I was ready to make my first important decicion. I decided to go back to school. Tired of hundreds of unanswered job applies... Tired of not having a degree in anything. Well, except my make-up-artist-degree. In which it's quite impossible to find a job over here :( (especially when you're as introverted as I am...)
I know I'm quite smart, I know I do have lot's of capabilities, and I also know one of my strongest assests is that I care about people. Probably much more than I care about my self, but I'm working on that issue as well :) So well, here I am, few weeks after my first day in college in my 'new life' :) In a few years, I'll try to be a fucking great nurse. Even more, I know I'll rock! A few days ago, I already finished my first examens, and even though it was hard to study after dealing with stuff this year, but I did ok.
But I found a new destiny. Taking care of people, no more or no less. So I'm studying in nursing school, and in a few days I'll start with a second degree in health care too. Which is more related to social unjustice (is that a word?), and a whole package to be able to take care of people in incredible vulnerable positions. Human traffiking, prostitions, and the whole package of medical (and legal) issues related to those people. Maybe it will be hard to help them, but I'll do whatever I can to give those girls at least an option, to find an opening for them if they need medical support, to treat their health problems even without them having any money or papers.
So yeah, that's my life. And even my emotional life is getting better and better. Like I said, for month most of my emotions was something completely flat. Now I'm meeting new people. And even more, since a few days I realise I'm even falling in love again, in a way I didn't feel for years! Her name is Bo :) She's quite a bit younger than I am, but I guess that doesn't matter. And I'm only at the point that I realise what's going on, starting to flirt again, starting to share some precious time. Time to talk, to laugh, to share. That's all there is at the moment, it's only a first seed for what could be coming or not... But I'm open to give it a chance, to let it grow! She's a great girl, pretty as an angel, sweet as apple juice :) We didn't hear each other today, so I guess I'll give her a nightcall, it's already 0:45 at night over here...
So, that's my story. Hope you're doing fine.
Love ya all, thanks for reading.
Jo
Selfie time! Ok, was a few days ago. Terrible hair day :)
