Death to pop-ups. 
Sometimes I'm so good it affects others in a positive manner. I say that with zero ego.
My good close personal friend The Hindu Cow (named so because he's so damned cool) was over on Thursday night. Following a debate about the long gone and much missed Krypton Factor (ruined the moment they made Gordon Burns work with a WOMAN!!! - the show nor the man needed no feminine touch) one thing led to another and he started to fill out a form to be a contestant on this casino game show thing.
The Hindu Cow being the Hindu Cow started filling out the few questions on the application form, then came across question 7 of 21: Describe the feeling you get when walking into a casino.
Exit the Hindu. Enter the Sycho.
I was going to fill the form with gibberish and filth until the Hindu pointed out his photo had to go with the form. So I did the next best thing:
'I breathe neon electric'
'I'm poker's best kept secret.'
'When people think of my home they think about fishing and sheep. I'm the guy to spearhead the change.'
'Money is nothing to me. What I lose, I lose. The thrill is the fight to build it back up.'
'When I worked in a hotel I spat in my boss' food at every opportunity.'
'Pollitcally correct? Care what people think? Skip to the next ad. I'm a thrill machine baby with zero fear of hitting bottom. GSOH.'
'Poker, climbing, driving, socializing, chess'
Note: Next to the neon electric line, the above line was my favourite - employers gush a great one if they see 'chess' on an application form, sign of a structured mind.
So the Hindu Cow and the Egg reads this. We break down laughing and this next conversation ensuses:
HC: I can't send this.
Me: Why not?
HC: Christ, look at it. 'I breathe Neon Electric.'
Me: It's better than 'My nutsack hardens.'
HC: God. If Jesse May says I'm poker's best kept secret. Think of all the stick I'd get the next time I walked into a casino. No, Dunk, you can't send this.
Egg: He just has.
HC: What...? OH NO!
While he belly-ached I sent off the form. The Hindu Cow shook his head.
HC: Well, the good thing is that I won't get a response. They'll see the form, think I'm a nutcase and bin it.
Yesterday afternoon. I'm in bed watching the ECW DVD - a frankly awesome DVD which, if you ever heard of ECW, you need to see - and the Hindu Cow turns up.
HC: Guess what?
Me: You're getting married?
HC: No.
Me: What?
He starts laughing.
HC: I got a call from Lindsay in London. She read that application form and she absolutely loved it. They want me to send an audition pack for the show.
Me:
So the trick now is to find out what an audition pack is and make sure he doesn't blow the audition - like he did with the highly estemed Question Time when he told the researcher 'I don't follow current affairs'. Me and Mum did manage to get him on the show - the name 'James Coutts' will be forever tainted.
Anyway:
Tonight is the game of the Bears' season. If they beat Jacksonville then, barring Carolina and Dallas matching them step for step - which is possible, they're going to the playoffs. They'll smash Houston, gash Detroit fierce and humiliate Green Bay (Brett ain't coming into Lovie's house and winning with the season on the line).
Bear the feck down!!!
Update 20:55:
Bugger
Sometimes I'm so good it affects others in a positive manner. I say that with zero ego.
My good close personal friend The Hindu Cow (named so because he's so damned cool) was over on Thursday night. Following a debate about the long gone and much missed Krypton Factor (ruined the moment they made Gordon Burns work with a WOMAN!!! - the show nor the man needed no feminine touch) one thing led to another and he started to fill out a form to be a contestant on this casino game show thing.
The Hindu Cow being the Hindu Cow started filling out the few questions on the application form, then came across question 7 of 21: Describe the feeling you get when walking into a casino.
Exit the Hindu. Enter the Sycho.
I was going to fill the form with gibberish and filth until the Hindu pointed out his photo had to go with the form. So I did the next best thing:
'I breathe neon electric'
'I'm poker's best kept secret.'
'When people think of my home they think about fishing and sheep. I'm the guy to spearhead the change.'
'Money is nothing to me. What I lose, I lose. The thrill is the fight to build it back up.'
'When I worked in a hotel I spat in my boss' food at every opportunity.'
'Pollitcally correct? Care what people think? Skip to the next ad. I'm a thrill machine baby with zero fear of hitting bottom. GSOH.'
'Poker, climbing, driving, socializing, chess'
Note: Next to the neon electric line, the above line was my favourite - employers gush a great one if they see 'chess' on an application form, sign of a structured mind.
So the Hindu Cow and the Egg reads this. We break down laughing and this next conversation ensuses:
HC: I can't send this.
Me: Why not?
HC: Christ, look at it. 'I breathe Neon Electric.'
Me: It's better than 'My nutsack hardens.'
HC: God. If Jesse May says I'm poker's best kept secret. Think of all the stick I'd get the next time I walked into a casino. No, Dunk, you can't send this.
Egg: He just has.
HC: What...? OH NO!
While he belly-ached I sent off the form. The Hindu Cow shook his head.
HC: Well, the good thing is that I won't get a response. They'll see the form, think I'm a nutcase and bin it.
Yesterday afternoon. I'm in bed watching the ECW DVD - a frankly awesome DVD which, if you ever heard of ECW, you need to see - and the Hindu Cow turns up.
HC: Guess what?
Me: You're getting married?
HC: No.
Me: What?
He starts laughing.
HC: I got a call from Lindsay in London. She read that application form and she absolutely loved it. They want me to send an audition pack for the show.
Me:
So the trick now is to find out what an audition pack is and make sure he doesn't blow the audition - like he did with the highly estemed Question Time when he told the researcher 'I don't follow current affairs'. Me and Mum did manage to get him on the show - the name 'James Coutts' will be forever tainted.
Anyway:
Tonight is the game of the Bears' season. If they beat Jacksonville then, barring Carolina and Dallas matching them step for step - which is possible, they're going to the playoffs. They'll smash Houston, gash Detroit fierce and humiliate Green Bay (Brett ain't coming into Lovie's house and winning with the season on the line).
Bear the feck down!!!
Update 20:55:
Bugger
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
The comix are so compressed I can't read the words!
I got tons o' space on Hotmail so if you don't mind re-scanning them that would be super duper awesome. They look fantastic but I don't know what's going on
Yea, editing is a huge undertaking, but I find that drinking small ammounts of booze at regular intervals helps the process immensely! I call it my brain juice.
But props to you for sticking with it for a 5 hour session! Most of my friends will do 1 hour and say,
"nuts to this, I'm getting wasted tonight!"
Like my friend's 20 minute short film he's been editing for the past 3 months. It works out to about 10 minutes of "work" a night.
Tell your friend good luck and record the program if he gets on.... and take 15% of the winnings as your "consultant" fee.
Takes me a little longer for the ice in my soul
to thaw and crack!