apriloneil

Today was probably the roughest day for me...

All of my things are out of the apartment. I don't think I could have done it any other way. It took me 10minutes just to get up the nerve to get out of my car to go inside.

It made me feel like a part of my life was over.

So I'm moving back to my parents, but we're going to work on rebuilding our relationship. I still love him with all my heart and he finally said he loved me back.

It's going to be hard and quite a process, but I think we can work through it.

Alrighty... Got a page and a bit done and only just getting to the good parts.

Gonna go take care of some "business" and then get to bed. Work in the early AM.

Writing a dirty story....

Wonder if I should send it to the boy when I'm done....would it make things worse?

Fuck you, New Year....

Mixed signals.
Tears, headache and heartache.
Even still, I love you.
No kiss, half a hug and a "talk to you later."
Is this what we've become?
Barely friends?
This can't be a relationship anymore.
This is killing me, can't you see?
I need resolution. I need answers.
You're pulling away from me.
I need to heal. I need to know...
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Damn you SG in making me think that I had cancelled my account and then charging me for another month! Rawr...

On another note, Ryan is still trying to figure his stuff out.... I've been at my parents since Christmas Eve. They've gone for the weekend so I invited Ryan over for New Years. He's "taking a nap and then letting me know."

How am...
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So yesterday wasn't nearly as bad as I expected. Ryan had gone to a family friend's house the night before and I'm guessing had a long talk with her about what was going on. Truly the first time he's talked about his side of the situation with anyone. It seemed to have really helped.

He went to a couple movies with us and then to...
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Fuck you, Christmas...

How can I be merry when my boyfriend thinks I want to break up? When he won't fucking talk to me. When I have to practically move back to my parent's house, because he doesn't want me around.

Once again I'm at the hopelessness stage. I don't want to end this. I feel like he's just waiting for me to give up and leave. I don't want to.

This has been frustrating for more than just he and I. My parents are frustrated and concerned. Our land ladies (who have been family friends since I can remember) are frustrated. My friends are frustrated....
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I'M SO FRUSTRATED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I understand it's a tough situation, but it's been almost 2 weeks and he still doesn't know where we stand. I can't do this much longer.

At this point I need to know what the fuck is going on in his head!

I want him, but I'm not one to just sit around waiting....I need to know whether I'm moving on or...
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