aponia

Hola.

I'm getting my tatto in 45 minutes. I'm nervous and excited. I'm not nervous about the pain, more about the outcome. I'm such an anal retentive freak, if its anything less then perfect I'll cry.

I didn't work today. I met my boy for lunch. I've been kind of sad. I finally looked at some birthday cards my mom had given me in the past. I just cried and cried. And my stomach hurt and my heart hurt and its like she died all over again. The one from last year...its so weird...at the time I never thought it would be the last one I would ever get. And its so beauitful, she talked about everything we've done together, and all the good memories. It just breaks my heart to read it. She even said she missed me in one of them, but she was so happy to see me with my boy, and that my phone calls to her kept her happy.

28 years is not enough fucking time with her!!! I want her back damnit! Its not fair!!!

I'm sorry...I've been so good all week. I guess I was too busy to really think about it. I guess I needed to cry. I just miss her so damn much, you know? I pick up the phone and I don't have anyone to call. I love my dad to death, but its just not the same.

But if I'm going to leave soon I need to calm down. I have a stupid scarf I need to do that I promised a customer I would make for them. I curse at it with every stitch. And its this horrible furry white, so its shedding all over everything. Thank god I'm a 1/3 of the way done! I worked on it for hours last night while watching my new favorite show: Celebrity Poker Tournament. I don't know why, but I love this show.

Tonight is Japanese punk with good friends. I'm so excited to go out and drink and hear good music and have fun. I miss fun...I need to reacquaint myself with it again.