Login
Forgot Password?

OR

Login with Google Login with Twitter Login with Facebook
  • Join
  • Profiles
  • Groups
  • SuicideGirls
  • Photos
  • Videos
  • Shop
Vital Stats

apologees

Member Since 2003

Followers 40 Following 74

  • Everything
  • Photos
  • Video
  • Blogs
  • Groups
  • From Others

Monday Jun 13, 2005

Jun 13, 2005
0
  • Facebook
  • Tweet
  • Email
so i read an essay that made me finally understand being and time. i did that on friday. it freaked me THE FUCK out. i'm not sure anyone else understands that.

i havent had a thing touch me like that in a forever long time. things don't dawn on me in such ways. but there i was, sitting in a bar, reading an essay that i should've read 5 years ago, and the things in sein und zeit hit me all unexpectedly. i think it was the author's take on it, combined with his interspersing of the latter heidegger's less instrumentalistic ontological stance on humanity. i don't know. but it gave me pause. all at once, i was sitting alone at the crap library in lagrange, reading alone at 3 in the afternoon, watching some kid play in the courtyard, reading some guy named Jaspers. reading him write about some garbage...

it hit me the same way. just all at once. and it scared me more than a little. because i've already run that path to the end. and i didn't like it. so i don't wanna go down it again. so its kinda like seeing a billboard or some such advertisement. for big lights, big thrills, etc etc. and i'm older now, and i've been on all the roller coasters and the like. i don't really care about all that shit anymore.

i'm not sure i know how to explain it without sounding ridiculously arrogant. i was really fucking good at what i did when i wanted to do it. when i had a spark. but all of that led me to become totally bored with what had previously provided me with so much. it was like breaking up with the love of my life--quitting graduate school. so now how am i supposed to go again?

but it is different because it is without the ego. but so it was supposed to be that time, too. the christian way. the way of the nieztchean christian--wanting nothing but the capability to sleep well at night. a quiet mind. and it doesnt work that well... not in practice.

so i am at a precarious point. and i kinda just wanna forget i read what i read.

i don't want to walk that path anymore, but i think i will, because i'm a sucker like that. so i guess i'm gonna buy that stupid book (first book i've bought in some 5 years), and i guess i'll go ahead and buy that other stupid book (last decent one i read), and i guess i'll read them both.

fuck me.
whatever
geckogirl:
good thing you just won $20 tongue
Jun 13, 2005
sinovia:
okay- i'm speachless. good luck with that encrypted shit!
Jun 16, 2005

More Blogs

  • 07.01.05
    1

    Friday Jul 01, 2005

    no more smoking at the bar beside my house before 9 makes me very unh…
  • 06.28.05
    7

    Tuesday Jun 28, 2005

    i think i need a root canal in one of my molars. my head feels like …
  • 06.27.05
    1

    Monday Jun 27, 2005

    i am an ass. ignore me.
  • 06.24.05
    3

    Friday Jun 24, 2005

    i dont know. i keep reading things that have it within to change m…
  • 06.22.05
    2

    Wednesday Jun 22, 2005

    been reading alot of heidegger. that's about it. work kills me. be…
  • 06.18.05
    2

    Saturday Jun 18, 2005

    so hungover
  • 06.17.05
    0

    Friday Jun 17, 2005

    so im in that stage of me where i listen to rage against the machine …
  • 06.13.05
    2

    Monday Jun 13, 2005

    so i read an essay that made me finally understand being and time. i…
  • 06.13.05
    2

    Monday Jun 13, 2005

    people in california are so dumb.
  • 06.12.05
    4

    Sunday Jun 12, 2005

    it is so freaking humid in my house. and the AC won't make it not …

We at SuicideGirls have been celebrating alternative pin-up girls for:

23
years
9
months
6
days
  • 5,509,826 fans
  • 41,393 fans
  • 10,327,617 followers
  • 4,593 SuicideGirls
  • 1,120,690 followers
  • 14,920,095 photos
  • 321,315 followers
  • 61,391,142 comments
  • Join
  • Profiles
  • Groups
  • Photos
  • Videos
  • Shop
  • Help
  • About
  • Press
  • LIVE

Legal/Tos | DMCA | Privacy Policy | 18 U.S.C. 2257 Record-Keeping Requirements Compliance Statement | Contact Us | Vendo Payment Support
©SuicideGirls 2001-2025

Press enter to search
Fast Hi-res

Click here to join & see it all...

Crop your photo