it is fucking weird having a girlfriend now. i've never had a girlfriend before. now i do. and i keep forgeting that i can show how i feel. in more ways than just sex and cuddling. this is strange to me because for the longest time i've only dated girls with the understanding that we're just friends having fun, etc etc. and so there was this whole other category of care that i excluded from the manifold of possible actions i can take in that girl's presence. and now it is available to me. maybe dizzying is a good word for the apperception of that new space of possiblity in a moment...
i'm not sure, but i think being in love and in the same room is something like being asleep. because, at least for me, i tend to get so lost in thought about the other person, i forget the other person is actually in the same room and cares what i say or think. this is abnormal. but it is like sleep, yes, because i am not thinking about much else, and (at least, i think) she is not thinking about much else, and so we're kinda just walking around and not thinking about anything in the world, but rather this interaction that is happening to nobody but us (me?). it is fucking weird.
and this weekend i almost got in two fights. for as much shit talking as i do, this is rare. first, this guy comes up and tells me that because i spilled his friend's drink on him, i owe him one (i bought his friend a drink because i actually did feel bad about making him spill his). this guy is a total stranger, prolly outweighed me by 50 lbs, and was obviously some bitchass frat boy gone coke and broke for the night. and he thought he could make me his bitch because i was nice to his friend. so he comes over and TELLS me i owe him a drink. i was WASTED by this time at night, and pretty edgy, and so i bit my tongue and told him to "get away from me right now." the same way i tell crackheads on the street when they beg for change. but this guy takes an aggresive stance towards me and almost demands it: as in, do it or else i'll kick yer ass. and so i hear the words "fuck you asshole, im not your bitch" come out of my mouth. i am taken aback by this. as is he. he sees that i am taken aback. i see he is. he decides that i musta said it cuz i was drunk--surely i don't wanna fight a guy 50 lbs and 4 inches my bigger over 5 bucks, right?
no. i continued to bitch him out and get progressively angry, until i was about 2 seconds to throwing this fucker frat cokehead down and beating him until his nose ceased to exist. i havent been that angry in quite a while. i got even angrier when i realized that he was getting scared and began apologizing and shit. he he he... it was fuckin cool. i was about to fuck this guy up, and he was way bigger than me. and he knew it. so he went away like the whore he was before he got hurt.
i also almost beat this other crackhead that has been sending the gf psycho ex-bf messages (even though he was never her bf). but that story isnt near as interesting because that would have made me the aggressor, and he is a pussy, so i woulda felt bad about that.
but, yeah. beer is good.
i'm not sure, but i think being in love and in the same room is something like being asleep. because, at least for me, i tend to get so lost in thought about the other person, i forget the other person is actually in the same room and cares what i say or think. this is abnormal. but it is like sleep, yes, because i am not thinking about much else, and (at least, i think) she is not thinking about much else, and so we're kinda just walking around and not thinking about anything in the world, but rather this interaction that is happening to nobody but us (me?). it is fucking weird.
and this weekend i almost got in two fights. for as much shit talking as i do, this is rare. first, this guy comes up and tells me that because i spilled his friend's drink on him, i owe him one (i bought his friend a drink because i actually did feel bad about making him spill his). this guy is a total stranger, prolly outweighed me by 50 lbs, and was obviously some bitchass frat boy gone coke and broke for the night. and he thought he could make me his bitch because i was nice to his friend. so he comes over and TELLS me i owe him a drink. i was WASTED by this time at night, and pretty edgy, and so i bit my tongue and told him to "get away from me right now." the same way i tell crackheads on the street when they beg for change. but this guy takes an aggresive stance towards me and almost demands it: as in, do it or else i'll kick yer ass. and so i hear the words "fuck you asshole, im not your bitch" come out of my mouth. i am taken aback by this. as is he. he sees that i am taken aback. i see he is. he decides that i musta said it cuz i was drunk--surely i don't wanna fight a guy 50 lbs and 4 inches my bigger over 5 bucks, right?
no. i continued to bitch him out and get progressively angry, until i was about 2 seconds to throwing this fucker frat cokehead down and beating him until his nose ceased to exist. i havent been that angry in quite a while. i got even angrier when i realized that he was getting scared and began apologizing and shit. he he he... it was fuckin cool. i was about to fuck this guy up, and he was way bigger than me. and he knew it. so he went away like the whore he was before he got hurt.
i also almost beat this other crackhead that has been sending the gf psycho ex-bf messages (even though he was never her bf). but that story isnt near as interesting because that would have made me the aggressor, and he is a pussy, so i woulda felt bad about that.
but, yeah. beer is good.
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I wish I had a girrrrlfriend. I thought the sleep comment was particularly funny because I broke up with a guy once because he always fell asleep when we got together. He just said he was so comfortable around me that it was natural. cute.
-blush