A lot of people have seen me as this very confident woman, long before that was even to begin to really be true for me.
I don't tell this story, by the way, in hopes of getting pity, I tell this story because I want to share about the different transformations that have come through pains in my life and how my tattoos represent these.
When I was young, from about the ages of 9 to 14 I was bullied. Not only at school, but also at home, my step mother being on of the biggest bullies in my life. My step brother, who was 6 months younger and me, was my other biggest bullies. I was made fun of because I was a large child for my age. I developed breasts earlier than many other children. None of this, at the time, was comfortable for me and then on top of it, I was tortured for it. I began to really "hate" my body and was ashamed of my weight and how I looked. Because of the bullying and depression that came with it (undiagnosed), I turned to food as way to try to feel better. I wasn't a very active kid, as far as sports, I was more into music and band. Throughout high school I turned more to other substances as well that lead me into my drug addiction. Throughout my using, I remained a bigger woman, because food has always been my first addiction.
At my heaviest, I weight around 265, today I weigh around 170 and have been maintaining this weightloss (without sugery or drugs) and being clean for over 12 years now (well minus the 420 and shrooms) for about 10 years now.
I got this tattoo after running several 5K runs and celebrating the fact that I had overcome my eating addiction and was able to be active and free again. I stopped smoking cigarettes, started running, and never looked back.
Self worth isn't magic, it takes time. Those people who saw me as confident when I was younger, I believe, were really seeing the potential in me. I am very grateful that they could see what I could not!
Today I am a little over a year into being an SG model and I AM MORE CONFIDENT AT 45 THAN I EVER WAS AT 25 or 35! Look out world, there is more to come!
