anticus

So, before I went to Cineman's rockin' Golden Globes party last night, I got my first and most assuredly last Thai massage. Color me ignorant, but I had an impression that it was going to be therapeutic, soothing and relaxing. I had no idea that I was going to get my ass kicked by an 80 pound Asian girl. Now, I've got an extraordinarily high pain threshold, but this chick just Kill Bill'd the fuck out of me. All I thought of for 90 mintues was "Jesus Benjamin Christ - STOP, you sadistic whore!" Not that she was an actual whore -- this was not one of THOSE massage places. In fact, they had a prominent sign that warned that the session would be terminated at the first sexual
advance. And while I was on the table (or as I like to call it, the "pain slab"), it occured to me -- who the hell could think about sex when their knees could pop out socket at any moment?!!? Halfway through, I was ready to confess to killing Marilyn Monroe, JFK and JonBenet Ramsey, just to make her stop touching me. Believe me, there was not one second of enjoyment -- and I was there for 5400 seconds. I know this because I calculated it to keep my mind off the pain. I learned that trick from a Batman comic book I got when I was a kid - while being tortured, Batman repeated the name of the man who killed his parents to keep him sane.

As I paid, the masseuse/nazi war criminal gave me a punchcard for a
free session after 6 more paid visits. And I thought, "there's a better chance of you catching me watching Gigli than for me to return back to this den of brutality."

At the party, also met frontman, who is also quite a good dude - and I wish I had spent more time chatting with him. Definitely next time. Just as long as he doesn't have a little Asian woman with him.