anonymouse

I have a J-O-B now. I stopped looking for a job, and I got one. Apparently, Albert Zamora, the new "director" -- not the boss, but the "director" -- of the Tiffany's at Merrick Park reviewed files of some holiday workers who slaved away last Holiday at the Bal Harbour Tiffan & Co. He liked the efficiency reviews -- I didn't know people were watching me work that closely, let alone reviewing me -- and saw that my productivity was above and beyond the call of duty. I guess I'm built for retail. Yay?

I was previously employed at two rich person's malls, Bal Harbour Shops and The Falls, and now I'm employed at another rich person's mall -- Village of Merrick Park. I've babbled about Merrick Park in other entries. I really can't afford to shop there, but I lie to myself that I can when they have sales. Like on Tuesday, at Neiman Marcus with the Salvatore Ferragamo two-toned classy pumps. I'm weak. But, hey, those are my all-purpose dress shoes! Those will go with pretty much anything I have to wear to work, yeah? Sweet.

Oh fuck! I need clothes! I burned all of my black professional wear after I quit my job at Victoria's Secret. Now I see what a brash and foolish move that was. I should've just burned money. Fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck. Well. Macy's is having a secret sale. It's not a secret anymore, but... I've got a discount card. I'll go to The Gap, too. And Old Navy. Especially Old Navy. They're cheap. The Crap. Crap. I'm going to call Byron now, and see if Byron's Day of Beauty at Elemis is going to literally be a day. And then I will resume this entry.

And I am back. Byron has it all planned out. He said that on Saturday, we will spend the day shopping like mad little bunny rabbits (speaking of which -- THAT TOYS R US COMMERCIAL WITH THE SINGING BUNNIES IS SO CUUUUUUUUUUTE), and then Sunday will be our day of Detox. We're spending eight hours at the spa. It's actually open on Easter, which is great for us. It will probably be pretty empty. Maybe. I don't know. I wrote down all of the treatments Byron told me we're getting because they sound so nutty: oxygen Japanese silk booster treatment, Hawaiian wave four hand massage, exotic lime and ginger salt glow with well-being back massage, exotic coconut rub and milk ritual wrap, exotic frangipani body nourish float, frangipani conditioning hair and scalp ritual, exotic hand ritual with manicure, sole delight foot treatment with pedicure, paraffin wax treatment for the hands and feet... Everything's EXOTIC. My cat Sammy pees by the frangipani trees in the backyard. I hope, when I come home smelling like frangipanis, he doesn't pee on me.

Oh, by the way, WESLEY WILLIS was FABULOUS. It's funny. I saw the entire third floor of the Pearson dorm at the show. I go to a lot of the parties on that floor because that's where Andrea from my criminology class lives, and she's my girl. She was there, too, at the concert. That was fun.

Okay, so I need to get back to studying for finals and checking out clothes at the Gap's website. Ew. Ew, ew, ew. Why are SHORTALLS available? Look at this and tell me if that looks cute and darling, and if you would wear it, and if anyone over the age of 6 should wear it. God. 2003 has been the year for fashion blunders. First, the velour tracksuit comes back into the style, and the "v" in velour stands for "very, very bad idea." Then, culottes come back, which never look good on anyone, not even six year old girls, and not even Rose McGowan (and I stopped watching the tawdry knockoff that is Charmed when they put Rose McGowan in culottes). And now... SHORTALLS? What the fuck?! No! Byron better make me steer clear of the Gap, or I'll surely grab a pair of shortalls, approach a fellow retail robot, and ask them, "Why? WHY? WHYYYYY???!!!!" Yeah. No falling into the Gap for me, thanks.

I'm just going to go eat some marshmallow peeps, because I'm a little freaked out by the shortalls. So, until then, don't wear shortalls. Ever. No, I mean, until then, peace. Yeah. Peace.