Gah. I'm studying for yet ANOTHER midterm, and all I can think about is the Cheap Trick song stuck in my head. I have "I Want You to Want Me" stuck in my head, and it's all because the little 45 minute study breaks I would take every 3 hours or so consisted of me, a TV, a bag of Soy Crisps, a television, and my boyfriend Tivo. Tivo recorded "I Love the '80s Strikes Back!" for me. All of it. Last night I had trouble sleeping because (a) my brother's car battery died and he wouldn't stop calling the house at 2 am in 15 minute intervals and (b) Boy George's face was haunting me. I can't do justice to Boy George's make up. You'll just have to tune into the squillionth airing of one of the episodes, because seriously? I don't know what motivated the man to take some blue craft glitter gel and apply it to his bald pate, but I'm pretty sure it had something to do with drugs. He wasn't as scary-looking as Pete Burns (who puts the "whore" in horriying) and the collagen-inflated lips that ate London (yes, they're bigger than Meg Ryan's lips -- contrast and compare), but it's still pretty damn terrifying. I mean, Boy George can remove his make up, but it's a lot harder to get collagen sucked out of your lips. He also had vaguely Adam Ant-esque eye make up, but that's forgiven since he wasn't the only one dressed in '80s clothing and/or make up. One of the Donnas had an exposed bra strap, and another one of the Donnas chided said Donna-with-exposed-bra-strap and wondered what it was about the '80s that made them go, "Oh, hey, [pulling one shirt sleeve down], my shirt sleeve is hanging down, and I don't know why, but it's cool." I think they were discussing Bennetton. Or stirrup pants. Or maybe it was Hypercolor shirts? I hated those shirts. Interestingly enough, I remember all of the lyrics to the Jem theme song. I made my mom tape that show for me when I had to go to school. One day she couldn't record it for some reason, and I was the saddest kindergartener in all of Sadville. Truly outrageous!

Yeah. Anyway. Michael Ian Black is my latest imaginary boyfriend. Why couldn't they have a "Michael Ian's Unfinished Thoughts" segment? Donal Logue isn't funny. There's a reason his show was cancelled and picked up by another network for some unexplicable reason. Either way, I've had imaginary boyfriends and girlfriends since I was 12, and I'm not obsessive about it. I'll watch TV, and an imaginary boyfriend will pop up on screen, and I'll say, "Ooh, Adam Brody, he's my boyfriend." I don't know anything about their eating habits or the jobs they had when they were kids or what they're currently filming or how many boyfriends or girlfriends they've had -- I don't care about that shit. I also don't send them my panties or write scary fan letters. I just want to watch their movies or TV shows. Unless they star in a movie with Kate Hudson. That's when we have to break up. That's what happened to poor Luke Wilson.

Yeah. So I have fucking Cheap Trick in my head. It's not a bad song, but I keep singing, "Didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you cryin'?" That's the part that's stuck in my head. I also keep singing "Pull Down Your Pants" by The Morning Shakes and "Esta Bien Mamacita" by El Vez. I don't know if that says something about my personality or disposition, nor do I care to know. [Postscript sidebar: I currently have "Head Over Heels" by Tears for Fears stuck in my head. I used to get "Shout" stuck in my head all of the time from repeated viewings of that '80s show they played all the time on VH1 around 1993-1995. Man, I love Tears for Fears, and if that makes me lame, well. Fine. I'm lame.]

I have a correction to make. David is not in fact a frat boy. He was -- for a semester. But he isn't now. He says there's something fundamentally wrong with paying to have friends. Also, he was freaked out by Kappa Sigma's weird theories. Apparently certain frat boys will only date girls who carry expensive handbags, like Louis Vuitton and Burberry. All of the pretty girls carry those expensive bags. It suddenly makes sense. He needs to divulge ALL of the weird theories. I must know. Enquiring minds need to know.

Anyyyyyyyyyyyyway. I need to get in a good hour and a half of studying. And then, Justin Theroux will be on Alias, who is also in my imaginary harem and has been since he was Cowboy Guy in Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion. But I have a real harem now, but I'm just test driving the boys 'til I decide whether any of the relationships work -- in the bed, on dates, whatever. I'm not ready to jump into a long-term relationship after I lost a good five years of my life being dicked around by That Bitch, and I made it clear to those three boys that I'm seeing other people and we're just dating. Why does courtship have to be so complicated? Did I just use the word "courtship"? That's it, this entry is over before I pull out another obsolete word from Ye Olde Braine. Because Olde Timey Things have extraneous e's. Perhaps one of the boys I am seeing will go out for a nice iced custard. Ow. I'm stopping. No more. Ew.

Show's over, Synergy.