annajoy

too much to do in too little time, but i can't resist posting a few random thoughts.


**the flowers on my desk are still alive and lovely after almost 2 weeks. i love carnations. they last a long time and smell wonderful.

**had a fun sweet night with j....went to vongs (chicago people, GO TO THIS PLACE. the food is incredible.) there was much talking and much reading and much cuddling throughout the night.

** got my caroling costume yesterday, and the hat is AWFUL. uber-bad.

**i am beginning to recover from general business and anxiety, and it feels good. more rest coming soon.

** last night j and i were shopping/goofing off, and i felt this disconcerting compulsion to buy everything he said might look good on me or was cute in general. oh the power he has over me! it did lead to more serious insecurity about not being attractive enough to hold his interest. or the deeper fear that i don't deserve to be with him, or with anyone who is actually interesting to me. (this has nothing to do wirh how j. treats me, he is loving and attentive and honest). i try to keep those insecurities small in the balance of my overall self esteem, but it pops up in full force every now and then, usually after i have had a long day and every hot chicky on the street looks young and nubile. i know this is fairly silly, and that there is more to me than looks, but...sigh. doubt happens, you know?

**the mulder/kid flash doll porn went even better than expected last night.

**i am getting our country's government confused with the provisional government that is going on in "the stand". can't figure out which side of the mountains bush belongs on.

**mmm i could go for vongs right now.