angelsword

So I'm finally moving. Conditions have been met to accommodate me actually getting into the house that I've owned for four months now, and I am (slowly) getting what few possessions I have into it. The strange thing is that it doesn't feel like a move. Oh, sure. It is, in fact, moving. But the fact that I'm not just moving, but moving out, makes it a fundamentally different experience.

I had a realization the other day. Anabel once accused me of standing still, which, is now as it was then, not true. I had assumed it was because she was projecting onto me, what with her refusal to join the real world after her graduation. When I thought about it, though, I was only half right. She was projecting on me her own standstill, but it wasn't for her seemingly arbitrary choice to continue school (which may still be part of it).

I don't remember what caused it, but I got to thinking of the two long term characters she's played in my games (Acantha and Takoyaki). And their backstories are both strikingly similar; some major traumatic event in her past that emotionally scarred her, and ultimately spurred her to action. What's even stranger, however, is that it is mirrors her actual life almost exactly.

When I realized this, I was overcome with this feeling of remorseful sorrow. This woman that I loved (or still love, or may not actually love anymore, I'm not sure) is still trying to make up for that scared little girl, crying and trying to come to terms with what happened. And every time I find myself getting mad at her, I feel that same sort of injustice-induced pity.

I don't know why I feel that I need to voice this, but there it is. I mean, it's not like it justifies her cheating.

I'm putting my resume back in to GamingETC, despite the fact that not only am I being treated as a second class citizen for being a D&D player, but being effectively scolded by proxy for not letting someone into my my full-capacity games.