angelsword

So, it would seem that Anabel cheated on me. I've said before that the things she's done were the worst things she could have done to me, but this tops them all, due in part to the fact that it's happened to me before (break up under false pretenses, only to have the truth of the cheating to come out later), and in part that it just didn't seem in character for her. I never would have expected she would be so weak of character as to not only cheat, but to lie about it.

At the very least, this revelation gave me the anger I was looking for. Though it's probably not the anger that is most appropriate, it is anger nonetheless. Anger for the pain that it brought me, anger that it happened to me again. Anger that, when I thought I was dating a woman, I was really dating a girl, too afraid to own up to her own actions. Anger that I let myself get taken in again, and loved her as much as I did (as I do, to be honest).

And yet, I cannot bring myself to be angry with her. I still find myself looking back on our relationship with a smile, and deep in the back of my mind, I still hold out hope that things will work out for us. I realize that it quickly becomes less and less likely, as things come out, but there's something that still just doesn't sit right about the whole thing.

I had a sneaking suspicion, though I didn't want to admit to it, that when I did the burial and eulogy for Acantha (Anabel's character in my D&D game), I was really eulogizing for our relationship. Perhaps that would explain why I felt more sorrow for that fictional character than for any person I've ever had die in my lifetime.

So, Anabel, if you're reading this (as I suspect you might), I leave you with this. You have hurt me deeply, but I will not let that spoil the memory of what we had together. Thank you for loving me as more than a friend, for the time that you did.