angelsword

Every time I hear the song, "Watching Over Me," I seem to become more and more touched by the song. It never fails. Whenever it comes on, I find myself singing along in a mix of triumph and lamentation, for I have survived, but many have not. It haunts me, yet I can't stop listening, and often seek out the song. I seem to desire the pain I feel when I hear it.

I survived.

I see the words, and I know I should be happy, but I just don't feel it. Yeah, living through cancer is a tremendous achievement. But it still hurts me to see so many others struggle and suffer through it, only to lose their long battles.

Peter has been dead for a year, now. Of all the other deaths I've been affected by, his was (is) the hardest. He died of the exact same cancer that I had.

I guess the biggest issue I seem to be having is that I am constantly comparing myself to those who died. Why am I doing that?

It just hurts me.

And in the fury of this darkest hour
We will be your light
You've asked me for my sacrifice
And I am Winter born
Without denying, a faith is come
That I have never known
I hear the angels call my name
And I am Winter born