Last night I took a cleaver to a dildo. It was so much fun to savagely cut that huge thing up. It almost freaked me out that I found it so enjoyable to cut up a likeness of the male organ. But I'm not really sick...not really. I cut it up because I had no use for it and I didn't just want to throw it out without destroying it. Why had I no use for it? Well, because I bought it for a certain person who shall remain nameless and wanted a huge fake dick up his ass. Yes ladies and gentlemen, I was ass-fucking my boyfriend. And that's why he broke up with me. Not because I was ass-fucking him. He really liked that, but because I called him my boyfriend. I am sorry that I didn't just refer to him as my casual fuck. Or actually no, I'm not. Though let me tell you fucking a guy in the ass is kind of fun. It's such a great twisted reversal of roles. Hmm...is anyone disgusted? Hahahaha!
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A cleaver? *runs away at the rate of knots*