amitabha

Time: 9:03 AM
Music: Cassius Essential Mix
Drink: You are a fucking idiot

*prepare to have your eyes bleed from another excessively long journal entry that gives you more information about me than you care to know*

So this is my plan. I know everyone has their own plan, but this is mine. This is the one I think about often, and try to figure out the logistics of how to make work, when to execute, and who Im taking with me. I guess my plan is a bit different from everyone elses on some level, but on a more general scale Im sure its not that common. On my recent flight down to San Francisco this weekend, I had the unfortunate displeasure to sit in a row directly behind a late teens to early twenties female who proceeded to tell her neighbor her fucking entire life plans, which included starting construction on her house by the time shes 25. What a fucking nightmare. It reminded me of when I was in a similar mindset as this girl, and how I was trying as hard as I could to turn into a 60 year old retired person as fast as I possibly could. She had all these plans of suburbanizing herself, and a timeline of how to accomplish full suburban status by her 25th birthday. Thanks but no thanks.

So when I was 18, I worked for a private university in Memphis doing Network Administration. Through a little engineering of my resume I managed to land a job at FedEx doing the same thing where I stayed for 2 years, and through some additional resume engineering managed to land a job at a wireless company doing network administration for a tri-state region. Now career orientation isnt necessarily a bad thing, thats not what Im saying at all. But you have to keep your life in an even perspective.. if you dont have balance things are going to be all kinds of fucked up, but you shouldnt need me to tell you that. I was really concerned with my career, and honestly, I was competing with myself to have a better job and make more money than all the people around me.. more and more.. its like a disease I couldnt stop. First it was get that job, then it was make this much money, then make double your age every year, then it was make double that, and increase job status, etc etc. When youre going to work every day, and youre thinking about what youre going to do when you turn 59 and a half and your IRA and 401K matures, you have a problem.

Luckily I broke out of that, through a process that was far from easy and riddled with doubt and one major breakdown at the age of 20 that is the closet thing to a complete and total mental breakdown that I can describe. I feel like Ive already had my mid-life crisis, and it opened my eyes to what kind of goals I should have in my life, and it all revolves around a three words; Quality of Life. No matter what you do, if you cant step back and say has anything Ive done, made my life better? and answer a yes honestly, then its time to hash through your current situation and figure out what needs to be altered. Its not about being afraid of what might happen, but more on being confident in yourself that you can handle whatever situation life throws at you. Try dropping everything have and leaving everyone you know and creating an entirely new reality for yourself. Life is going to have its ups and downs, but if youre not happy, then nothing else matters.

So Ive abandoned all the plans I used to have of making this amount of money, and having this status, and buying this house for a plan that is far more appealing to me thats always been in the back of my head, but that Ive always written off as being too hard, which is travel, culture, and having a world view from which to base the decisions I make. No matter what you do, you cannot avoid having an effect on everyone else in this world. We are all connected on some level, and Id like to make sure Im at least doing SOMETHING to try to improve that relationship. So Ive been saving money since I was 19 or so.. Ive got about a total net worth of approximately $30,000 or so depending on the market divided up between an IRA, 401k, and stocks that I own, and at some point.. whenever I feel like the time is right, Im going to drop everything, sell everything I own, and leave the country. Im not really sure what happens from there. Maybe Ill just travel and try to stretch my money out for as long as I can, which I would thing would be a considerable amount of time since Id just be paying for travel and food, and staying at cheap places like hostels. But more of what I see myself doing is traveling around and checking out some of the countries I feel a calling to visit; Germany, India, Japan, etc, and using the money I have to stabilize myself and find a job and settle into that country for as long as I can. Obviously I havent researched residency limitations or job restrictions, but Im fairly confident that by having skills in the tech industry it would be easy to find work.

Maybe things will change for me, and maybe that will never happen. Maybe Ill meet someone and fall in love and decide that I dont want or need anything else, or maybe Ill take that person with me, or who knows. Things always change, and Ive constantly ridiculed people who make plans way down into the future that are so rigid that their whole world will crumble if everything doesnt go according to plan. But at least for now, thats what I see myself doing. Ultimately Id like to live in many countries for certain periods of time in order to get a deeper understanding of their culture and language; Live in Germany for a while, Japan, Indonesia, France, etc. So thats my plan, at least for the time being. Its sure to change just as the tide rises and falls, but whatever happens as long as whatever Im doing and whoever Im with is making me happy, then I made the right decision.