amelia

I am a monster

a few days ago ..darkmoon said he felt like he pulled the wings from a butterfly and that is how I feel...I feel that I have unjustly hurt people..and I hate myself for it....I wanted with all my heart to be with nebulous..but ...he ...well he's so busy and then going to grad school..and has no time for me....am I to be stable and lonely? John...oh ..john and I never really did understand one another..we are compleatly different ...and I will not change my insides to suit his needs. I can't that would be lying to myself ...and I won't do it anymore...and patrick..well patrick and I have been over this more then once we talk about it constantly..I want to feel like I am home....I have never really belonged anywhere..no one ever told me that I ment anything more then a friendship or a handfull of time....patrick says I feel like home....and I agree...it's funny...he drops everything and drives hours when I need him...no one else has done that nebulous threatened to do it three times..and each time I never saw him but patrick who has NO JOB and NO MONEY works and finds a way..how can you turn someone away who is so passionate about being and about seeing the truth with this eyes?...and for him who makes sacrifices for me...I sacrifice all for him....I am now telling the truth..and the truth can set you free..but it can also hurt those who would never have deserved it...I feel like a monster ..because of what I have done to Nebulous...and McKracken..but maybe that's all I am....I'm a monster who pulls the wings from the butterflies.

~Amelia