This weekend was a bit of a mixed bag.
This weekend was one of rest and recuperation and socializing, while the boy was off on a road-trip having a fucking marvelous time.
I did socialize, I did rest and recuperate. While I was incredibly happy to get to see people again, it was a bittersweet sort of thing because things have changed quite a bit in my absence. I know I made choices that made this a very likely outcome, but it's still sad to see it come to pass. The group is not what it was, I'm sad to see it go.
Add to this, spending a good deal of time reflecting and adjusting to a rapidly changing body. Much self-evaluation, identifying and plotting a plan for exorcising my personal demons. Not a bad thing at all, but not a hoot.
I've been trying to be more "emotionally intelligent", view things more positively and act accordingly. This has been a very hard time to try to internalize views of the world as abundant, while being calm and positive and exercising self-control and discipline. I feel like I've done a decent job, under the circumstances. For instance: The nose thing and resulting discomfort - I get a new lease on life, the possibility of a nose that takes in oxygen to nourish me instead of one which just holds in bacteria and blech. The move/divorce/etc. - Sure I'm broke as fuck and living alone, but for the first time in my life I'm able to go out and figure out what I want to to, and doing it without going $10K in debt because all my paychecks have been pissed away due to poor planning. That never could have happened, 2 years ago.
This weekend was one of rest and recuperation and socializing, while the boy was off on a road-trip having a fucking marvelous time.
I did socialize, I did rest and recuperate. While I was incredibly happy to get to see people again, it was a bittersweet sort of thing because things have changed quite a bit in my absence. I know I made choices that made this a very likely outcome, but it's still sad to see it come to pass. The group is not what it was, I'm sad to see it go.
Add to this, spending a good deal of time reflecting and adjusting to a rapidly changing body. Much self-evaluation, identifying and plotting a plan for exorcising my personal demons. Not a bad thing at all, but not a hoot.
I've been trying to be more "emotionally intelligent", view things more positively and act accordingly. This has been a very hard time to try to internalize views of the world as abundant, while being calm and positive and exercising self-control and discipline. I feel like I've done a decent job, under the circumstances. For instance: The nose thing and resulting discomfort - I get a new lease on life, the possibility of a nose that takes in oxygen to nourish me instead of one which just holds in bacteria and blech. The move/divorce/etc. - Sure I'm broke as fuck and living alone, but for the first time in my life I'm able to go out and figure out what I want to to, and doing it without going $10K in debt because all my paychecks have been pissed away due to poor planning. That never could have happened, 2 years ago.
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I can totally relate on the financial thing. It was too easy to spend money when I was with K. She spent much of her free time the first year we were together planning a big expensive wedding and I spent it always being the one to make up the shortfalls in the joint account and watching my credit card balance get higher and higher. It took me about three years and a big promotion, not to mention us breaking up, to get out of my credit card debt.