alyssum

****Warning: Brain-dump ahead!****

Okay, getting outside in the "sun" was a big help. Done wonders for my mental state already. Plus, getting things accomplished, making progress on the packing...I should have everything but the bedroom and a few kitchen implements that I'll need to use between now and Moving Day all ready to go by the time C's moved out. Since I've got no furniture to speak of, aside from a couple of chairs and lamps, it should be a cinch.

I think I've come to the conclusion that with this new place I should A) still keep a lot of stuff in boxes, but B) personalize it as much as I can, and C) still pare things down some more. That way it'll be easy to move again when I get the opportunity, but I can make it not feel like I'm living in a dark and dreary hotel room for 6 months.

Last night was sort of a watershed moment. I kept trying to think positively about the apartment without figuring out what about the situation bothered me so much. I still feel like I'm coming out from under a lot of the baggage of having gone from an established household to being a single person again. It's been hard giving that up, and having to make single-income choices. I'm realizing how much of this shit I've been schlepping around town I don't actually need though, and how much it's just weighing me down. It really negatively affected my apartment decisions - having to plan for a professional-sized kitchen on a small-apartment budget is retarded. I don't need a fucking nutmeg grater and turkey lifters and mexican hot-chocolate stirring sticks and all that miscellaneous shit Mr. Ex had. Hell, I don't even need a lot of the pots and pans, glasses, silverware, etc. Give that to boys who only have bacheloresque ecoutrements, who can actually use them.

The apartment is my Day in the Barrel - with a little time and space to decide how I want to live my own life, I can gloriously return to life in the city on my own terms. Do it how I really want to do it; streamlined and sorted.