So....my first blog.......
Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways?
I'm finding out that I have no patience for people anymore. They're inconsiderate, lazy, retarded. Most lack common sense. I was in Wal-Mart last night, deciding on which golf balls to buy, when two guys who were horsing around ran their cart right into me. "Whoops, didn't see you." said one. "Maybe you should get out of our way next time." chortled the other. Whoops? Next time? They offered no apology for their offense, but a WARNING? As if somehow we were destined to meet again......This struck a raw nerve. As they were pushing their basket away, I grabbed it, and with a forceful gaze, uttered "IF there is a next time, it would benefit your well-beiing to avoid me. For if you were to push another cart into me, I'd castrate you with a cheese grater before I cut your head off with a rusty butter knife." Whoops-Guy looked shaken, while Next Time Man immediately turned the corner and de-assed the area with quickness. I followed up my threat with a toothy grin that I might have learned from carnivorous dinosaur, and said, "Oh, have a nice evening." My trip to Wal-Mart was an apparent success. I found my golf balls, delivered a threat, and had two people scared shitless. I even have a new injury from the impact of the shopping cart that I can take to a cute nurse that I know to be tended. The world descends further into my madness. I'm one step closer to world conquest.
-Alex Atrocity
Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways?
I'm finding out that I have no patience for people anymore. They're inconsiderate, lazy, retarded. Most lack common sense. I was in Wal-Mart last night, deciding on which golf balls to buy, when two guys who were horsing around ran their cart right into me. "Whoops, didn't see you." said one. "Maybe you should get out of our way next time." chortled the other. Whoops? Next time? They offered no apology for their offense, but a WARNING? As if somehow we were destined to meet again......This struck a raw nerve. As they were pushing their basket away, I grabbed it, and with a forceful gaze, uttered "IF there is a next time, it would benefit your well-beiing to avoid me. For if you were to push another cart into me, I'd castrate you with a cheese grater before I cut your head off with a rusty butter knife." Whoops-Guy looked shaken, while Next Time Man immediately turned the corner and de-assed the area with quickness. I followed up my threat with a toothy grin that I might have learned from carnivorous dinosaur, and said, "Oh, have a nice evening." My trip to Wal-Mart was an apparent success. I found my golf balls, delivered a threat, and had two people scared shitless. I even have a new injury from the impact of the shopping cart that I can take to a cute nurse that I know to be tended. The world descends further into my madness. I'm one step closer to world conquest.
-Alex Atrocity
lenya:
Hi there 