Ive been extremely irritable the last few days, since Tuesday. Even yesterday, whilst feeling content, i was still very intolerant of the people around me.
I dunno if it's the fact that i have more serotonin than other people or if my serotonin release is fairly constant, but i'm usually a rather happy, easy-going guy. That's not to say that i'm a skippy, peppy, glad-lad, it just means i can spend hours on end, just sitting around, shooting the shit. 8-12 hours of pulling a Joe Giggle with only a sore jaw as a showing scar is, i think, pretty decent. This is something i do daily, usually.
So it's no surprise that once about every other month i feel depressed or numb. I dont wanna see you, i dont wanna talk to you; i dont wanna hang out or pontificate. I'd much rather sit on my couch and stare blankly at the wall behind my tele, not thinking anything, not feeling anything, not saying anything.
I'm not suicidal or dark or or angstyi'm neutral. It's a natural balance.
As soon as the next payload of serotonin arrives, as soon as i'm filled back up, i'll be back to normal.
Which should be tomorrow or Saturday.
Because that's the way it goes. I realize what's going, and within a day or two i'm better. Unfortunately, i only realize i'm in a mood right before i'm over it. Or i get over it because i realize that i'm in a mood and it's something that i can get over. In which case, it sucks that i dont realize it right when i first get into it so i could do something about it...you know....right away.
Either way, it wont be much longer, now.
And i find that comforting.
I was almost involved in an accident. Before work today, i was going down Union onto MLK and some cunt was coming out of MLK turning up union. When she saw me, she stopped...in the middle of the road...right in front of me......
i came within five feet of smashing into her.
When i slammed on the brakes, the lil evil voice in my head said, Fuck this bitchplow thru her!
But i didnt....because i didnt wanna fuck up my car and make my insurance go thru the roof. That's what's called being a Responsible Adult.
i didnt wanna fuck up my car even though i hate, hate, hate driving.
I'm a much better navegator. I'm a much better passenger.
"here I lay
still and breathless
just like always
still I want some more
mirrors sideways
who cares what's behind
just like always
still your passenger
chrome buttons, buckles and leather surfaces
these and other lucky witnesses
now to calm me
take me around again
drive faster
roll the windows down
this cool night air is curious
let the whole world look in
who cares who sees anything
I'm your passenger
I'm your passenger
drop these down and
put them on me
nice cool seats
there to cushion your knees
now to calm me
take me around again
just don't pull over
this time would you please drive faster
roll the windows down
this cool night air is curious
let the whole world look in
who cares who sees what tonight
roll these misty windows down
to catch my breath again
and then go and go and go just drive me
home then back again
here I lay just like always
don't let me go
take me to the edge"
the new Deftones album is gonna hit in the spring! Yay!
I dunno if it's the fact that i have more serotonin than other people or if my serotonin release is fairly constant, but i'm usually a rather happy, easy-going guy. That's not to say that i'm a skippy, peppy, glad-lad, it just means i can spend hours on end, just sitting around, shooting the shit. 8-12 hours of pulling a Joe Giggle with only a sore jaw as a showing scar is, i think, pretty decent. This is something i do daily, usually.
So it's no surprise that once about every other month i feel depressed or numb. I dont wanna see you, i dont wanna talk to you; i dont wanna hang out or pontificate. I'd much rather sit on my couch and stare blankly at the wall behind my tele, not thinking anything, not feeling anything, not saying anything.
I'm not suicidal or dark or or angstyi'm neutral. It's a natural balance.
As soon as the next payload of serotonin arrives, as soon as i'm filled back up, i'll be back to normal.
Which should be tomorrow or Saturday.
Because that's the way it goes. I realize what's going, and within a day or two i'm better. Unfortunately, i only realize i'm in a mood right before i'm over it. Or i get over it because i realize that i'm in a mood and it's something that i can get over. In which case, it sucks that i dont realize it right when i first get into it so i could do something about it...you know....right away.
Either way, it wont be much longer, now.
And i find that comforting.
I was almost involved in an accident. Before work today, i was going down Union onto MLK and some cunt was coming out of MLK turning up union. When she saw me, she stopped...in the middle of the road...right in front of me......
i came within five feet of smashing into her.
When i slammed on the brakes, the lil evil voice in my head said, Fuck this bitchplow thru her!
But i didnt....because i didnt wanna fuck up my car and make my insurance go thru the roof. That's what's called being a Responsible Adult.
i didnt wanna fuck up my car even though i hate, hate, hate driving.
I'm a much better navegator. I'm a much better passenger.
"here I lay
still and breathless
just like always
still I want some more
mirrors sideways
who cares what's behind
just like always
still your passenger
chrome buttons, buckles and leather surfaces
these and other lucky witnesses
now to calm me
take me around again
drive faster
roll the windows down
this cool night air is curious
let the whole world look in
who cares who sees anything
I'm your passenger
I'm your passenger
drop these down and
put them on me
nice cool seats
there to cushion your knees
now to calm me
take me around again
just don't pull over
this time would you please drive faster
roll the windows down
this cool night air is curious
let the whole world look in
who cares who sees what tonight
roll these misty windows down
to catch my breath again
and then go and go and go just drive me
home then back again
here I lay just like always
don't let me go
take me to the edge"
the new Deftones album is gonna hit in the spring! Yay!
every time i just shake my head and think... it's a miracle i've lived this long