...and it's all thanks to you wonderful people. All of you here; the utterly inspirational Suicide Girls, the brave, confident, and beautiful Hopefuls, the men who admire the female form no matter what it looks like, the women who see the beauty in other women and help raise them up, and the staff, the lovely @rambo and especially the creator @missy, who believes that all us freaks and weirdos deserve a place to fucking belong and to call home; Thank you. There's some kind of magic spark here that makes me feel comfortable in sharing the deepest parts of my soul and baring it for the world to see that's made me feel more like I belong than any other place in the world.
I've been so lost all my life; I never fit into any cliques, I was picked on and bullied, I've been called every name under the sun including slut, whore, cunt, and some really awful racist things. Most of my friends beg me not to get tattoos because "I'm ruining my skin" and they don't understand; they tell me I shouldn't cut my hair because "I'll look like a boy", they freak out when I pierce my own nose with a nail because I am bored and they think I'm trying to hurt myself. Maybe I was, I don't remember, but I really wanted my septum pierced. I never felt understood. I never felt welcome. I hardened myself to all those words and became so rebellious that when someone told me "you shouldn't do that", I absolutely did it and laughed when they sighed and shook their heads at me. I think I may have alienated myself further by doing that, now that I reflect on it.
Here, though, nobody gives a shit that I "ruin my skin" with "scary" tattoos. Nobody cares that I "look like a boy" with a shaved head. I don't think I'll ever pierce myself with a nail again because I am less fucking stupid than I was in high school, but if I did I don't believe I'd be judged for it. Nobody gives a fuck how much metal I put in my face. Not only that, but I'm actually embraced as "beautiful". Before I met my fiance, I never believed it. Even then, only when my first set here was released did I actually, finally understand how he could possibly see me as "beautiful". If it sounds like I keep posting the same raving posts here, it's because it's how I'm feeling, and I don't care. I feel like I can be honest here; Not honest to other people, but honest to myself. The parts of my soul I've closed off and forgotten seem to be coming back to me again, and... it's weird. But I like it, a lot. I feel like a real person again, and it makes me happy.
And all I want in life is to be happy and loved. So thank you, everyone.<3
-Akari
(In my inspired mood of baring my soul, here's a glimpse from 6 years ago when I was very politically inclined, hated the government and its corrupt shadiness, with my hair as a blue faded mohawk and metal in my face and in my torn clothes, not giving a fuck what all the old Republicans and the young Democrats in Baltimore thought as I screamed "Ron Paul" at the top of my lungs.)
