agonistes_vental

I find memories to be the soft studded moments when pain is always remembered,I lok back on past days and realize the amount of strength found in my heart and passion for living,though things grow deeper in meaning each day that passes.I look back at the beautiful memories of so many whom I have loved,who I love,and those whom have damaged me,in spirit I know that all has helped guide me to where I am going in my path,and though it's to damn hard to let my mind not point out those individuals whom have touched my heart and also rip at it,but in heart I know that these are many lessons to master and learn from.I try to breathe at each heartprint breaking away and creating a void memory,so many here on this very site and also other places as well,I remember those people well the color of the eyes,the smiles,and the life in each person,but it's somthing I hold close to me,those fond memories of meeting new friends as well as allies in this journey in life.It makes it sad to look at those beautiful flowers fading away in this winter's edge,but is meant to be,I try to deny it but I cannot do that exactly because I am still human as well.I live it up every moment that passion touches me but what is it when you are alone in your life?I hear often of how I am such a "damn" good man,how I am so "special" and in my life I am one in a million,yet how can I be these things if so many whom I "impact"walk away and forget me.I wonder about myself in those dire times I am down,am I justl ike everyone else,I doubt things often in me,but we all do so,I know that I am just Corey,take it or leave it.I weep nightly a not so held secret if you want to know,I weep of the disaster's on earth,the hurt so many feel,the pain,and abuse so many deal wirth daily,and I hurt nightly because I hold those victims within my heart,those are whom drive me most of all.Yet is it meant for me to speak and be ignored?I wonder greatly I do,I jsut wish in honest truth that my dreams are heard,my actions in life are,my voice,and verse are as well but my own little dreams are not.I dream of the day I am human,to feel beautiful to another,to be seen,and admired of who I am,I am so tired of being a lust filled object because of my brilliance,my beliefs,and my fierce fight to help others.I just want to be seen for the person I am,I want to love,live,and help yet I have those things I dearm of but I have them not,I love many people,the world to be exact.But no one to love me,love me as in emotion not lust.I live for the fight of others and barely for myself,but I want to live in unity with a companion,and I help many yet I often deny myself help.I am only human nothing more.....