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agonistes_vental

Orlando Fl

Member Since 2009

Followers 191 Following 197

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Sunday Nov 08, 2009

Nov 7, 2009
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Sorry my dears,It's been a while since I've iven pasison,care,and love to all of you,I am truly sorry in the time manner of not being on here often and alot,Just these days alot has been given to me ,so much truly,now as a man whom gives and devoted his life to others,to hleping those in need and sdoing so much for the selfless acto f gbeing a healer I am wounded right now.I admit it,and with that alot has been taken from me,but never the less I continue to give and help those that call to me,and need my help.SO many of you may think it's odd in how I view life and why I do what I do but it's just usual for me,but a spiritual advisor,medicine man I am.But right now it's me whom is in need of warmth and care.
You know today is the dawning of my 19th birthday,not something I celebrate for I am ageless in spirit but I have reflected so much in my life in all I have done,successful in my art,worked with amazing people from the Red Cross to Amnesty International,I've given so much time for humanitarium projects and so much more,Worked on the Reservation in Nevada,Started a youth council there,school nad job core,I've taught at schools,I live a olden life with compassion and care,believing and fighting for Humanity,The now I hurt.
You see of those woh have regularly spoken and kepy up with me I moved from South Carolina to come back to my roots and tend to my sick and dying mother,a sweet thing to do you might say,but it's taken strength and compassion to rreturn with a loving heart,I came home in August help her, with a selfless act I gave up wehat I was doing ot help my mother,but the very one who gave birth to me has tried to kill me,let me be molested ,and abused me all my life,I have such a loving heart and have grown from that hell she gave me to become the man I am today,loving and caring,fighting for humanity and so much.But it's this very woman whom destroyed and also created me,but I forgive and love her,so in August I returned to see a mother who has no real reason to live,she drinks and poisons herself excessivly to feel better,homebound and morbidly obese she is.She cares not for me but tolerates me cause she knows she needs my help,her husbands lives in another home,most likely has another fmaily brings food,beer,and her needs up here and trashes and puts her down,a broken trailer is her world,roaches and mice,I've tried to better her living enviornment but not success to much.Sadly I ahve sayed got her clothes when all she had was a momo,and so forth,and I stay to tend for her,But as I stay her negaitivty brings me down daily she puts me down and reminds me of my past,and me bieng the man I am I move on and think not of it but sadly it takes an effecto n me bringing nad drawing my passion out of me weak I am,Three months have passed and here I am still here not moving cause she gets worser but she wants me gone hates me being here usless she says.But I tay in warmtho f heart,she has brought me down som uch,taken so much from me,and well I am just tired so I am mving soon to my brothers got the moent up finally after not having a job and using the rest of my money to pay her bills,for her medicine al lI get is crue lwords.But I remail Now today I am 19 and she has pushed me to the end,laughing about me beign molested,amused at my pain and just mocking my life I feel so love now I just wish to feel warmth,I haven o friends really,and its odd but people come for my help and always leave,family is broken and well alone I am,I give so much but no one seems to notice me in my time of darkness.I am trying truly I jjust wis hto be noticed and to hear that I am needed and wanted but I am not so this sad morning I weep in a long time,I cry for warmth and to be seen .I jkust dont know what to do
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
valkrie:
Hope things get better. I'm sending you loving energy. Blessed Be my dear!
Nov 8, 2009
nene:
Birthdays should be a celebration of growing as a human being, of learning from past mistakes and rising above all that would normally tear you down. If this is the path that your mother chooses to take, try not to let her negativity influence you. I know it still hurts. This is the being that brought you into this life and the relationship that builds the foundation for all others. She may have a moment of clarity and change her ways, then again, she may not... that is strictly up to her.... not you. Be strong and know that you are a beautiful caring soul. There are many here that will support you.
Happy Birthday my friend kiss
Nov 8, 2009

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