Thursday Jun 02, 2005

0
So its almost two am and I dont think sleep is an option.

How often do you find yourself unable to sleep? For me its been pretty frequent, but tonight I think it is for a different reason than it has been for the last week.

About a week ago I got hit with the loss of a loved one (that is to say, I discovered I am losing him... he is not yet gone, though he just a shell of his former self) but I got to spend his last few conscious days with him and found resolve in that.

Then I began to find myself a little hung up in a new friendship. Still dealing with the aftermath of divorce, not sure how to approach the world of dating and such, I am overwhelmingly awkward through all this. So now I find myself developing a new friendship and it keeps screaming at me, making me want it to be more, but scaring me because I dont want to kill it. I am pretty tore up, I dont know what I want, and that is defiant of my personality.

There are really only three things that have ever kept me from sleeping:

1. Pills
2. Tragedy
3. Girls

I dont take pills, so I dont have to worry about that. Tragedy tends to be fairly infrequent, so I can endure that. But girls will be the death of me.

Agent
annalee:
Yeah I aggree Burzums music was good its just all the mess that wasnt! re;black metal stuff skull
agentofoblivion:
Yeah I was really upset when all that went down. I was pretty actiuve with the Burzum.org group before they became Churcharson.org and it did not sit well with me at all. I actually stopped listening to burzum for a while because it made me angry, but I eventually got over it and remembered how amazing his music was, even if there would never be any more.

Ben

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