We're sorry Paul, but while you were sleeping - No doubt caught in another nightmare of sibling rivalry (That Girl you always had a crush on, your youngest brother; They are very much in love, they will be married in June, they've been together for years, everyone else just assumed you knew. Look, here are pictures of them on holiday together, here they are holding hands, here they are smiling at each other. Watch them kiss for the camera. You are in none of the pictures, as if you never existed in the slightest to the girl who has chosen someone almost identical to you. Enjoy.) - the world moved on.
We all have. Whilst you've been living the adoloscent dream - Muscles, Tattoos, an easy and cheeky way with girls - The rest of us have been getting proper jobs, even careers. We've all settled down with someone as well, proper adult relationships. We would've told you, but we thought you'd get round to it eventually. We just assumed you knew.
Besides, we didn't like to bother you when you were so busy. And you have been busy as well, haven't you? Not much to show for it now, obviously, except for a mobile phone full of girls names and numbers that you never use anymore, because oops - They've all got boyfriends now. See how we all thought you'd notice that we were all moving on?
Of course, you haven't let that bother you, and it's really quite admirable how you keep the effort up every week, but remember the old rule of thumb (Half your age plus seven equals the lowest age limit for girls you can go out with without looking like a cunt) and remember that you aren't quite the young slip of a lad you once were.
We do really think that you should give some thought to at least getting a proper girlfriend. We all know about the great love of your life, but really, how plausible are the chances for success? You really should base a relationship on enjoyment of each other's company - Yes, that can include sex - rather than that twisted sence of adversarial competition you seem to respond to so much.
And would it be so hard to like a girl that smiled once in a while. None of us know who you're kidding; You can try to fight it, but you have an inescapable heritage of genetic and cultural pressures bearing down on you. Everybody knows that you'll be much happier running a small scale cocaine cartel and getting married to some blonde piece called Shelley or something trashy like that. You know the score; Three kids, Big house out by Epping/Chigwell, Couple of flash motors in the drive, a rottweiler called Danson, Fuck off to Spain when the bizzies start paying an interest, live off the interest in offshore hedge funds.
Waiting around for your Molly Ringwald based ideal is going nowhere. It's time to grow up Paul
We all have. Whilst you've been living the adoloscent dream - Muscles, Tattoos, an easy and cheeky way with girls - The rest of us have been getting proper jobs, even careers. We've all settled down with someone as well, proper adult relationships. We would've told you, but we thought you'd get round to it eventually. We just assumed you knew.
Besides, we didn't like to bother you when you were so busy. And you have been busy as well, haven't you? Not much to show for it now, obviously, except for a mobile phone full of girls names and numbers that you never use anymore, because oops - They've all got boyfriends now. See how we all thought you'd notice that we were all moving on?
Of course, you haven't let that bother you, and it's really quite admirable how you keep the effort up every week, but remember the old rule of thumb (Half your age plus seven equals the lowest age limit for girls you can go out with without looking like a cunt) and remember that you aren't quite the young slip of a lad you once were.
We do really think that you should give some thought to at least getting a proper girlfriend. We all know about the great love of your life, but really, how plausible are the chances for success? You really should base a relationship on enjoyment of each other's company - Yes, that can include sex - rather than that twisted sence of adversarial competition you seem to respond to so much.
And would it be so hard to like a girl that smiled once in a while. None of us know who you're kidding; You can try to fight it, but you have an inescapable heritage of genetic and cultural pressures bearing down on you. Everybody knows that you'll be much happier running a small scale cocaine cartel and getting married to some blonde piece called Shelley or something trashy like that. You know the score; Three kids, Big house out by Epping/Chigwell, Couple of flash motors in the drive, a rottweiler called Danson, Fuck off to Spain when the bizzies start paying an interest, live off the interest in offshore hedge funds.
Waiting around for your Molly Ringwald based ideal is going nowhere. It's time to grow up Paul
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
mat8drb:
The balance is impossible to achieve. Who else has managed it?
traumatron:
Pffft. Fuck everyone else.