You pull me through time...
SPOILERS! (Click to view)
I think I have become the person I've always critisized. The person who will stay in a relationship throughout feelings and events that say it's all wrong. Maybe I'm overreacting.
I love him. Nots not an idea in question. He is the only person I have been able to consider a best friend for a long time...hearing that I could never take that place, be that person, killed. It's not something I am mad at him for, it's not his fault afterall. I just wish someone would feel the same towards me that I feel for them. I dont think its ever happened. Im young, there's the rest of my life, but right now it would be nice to have a best friend.
Do the good things out-weigh the bad in this situation? I told him I would have left if I had somewhere to go. I don't know how much conviction I had in that yet. I feel like I know I SHOULD have left, but not that I actually would have.
Neither one of us know where we will be when the lease is up in July. He might move, and depending on how things are between us, I may or may not be going with. Honestly, Im scared. Good or bad, I dont know what my life is without him in it. I sound pathetic. If we were to seperate, I have no idea where I would go. I dont have a foundation in any other place. If I were to go back to Chicago I dont think I would tell most people there, I dont want to return to that life. People will tell me just to move somewhere new, and I just dont think Im at a place in my life where I would feel comfortable with that. I think that would not be positive for me. I just dont know what I would do. I know I shouldnt worry this much, but my mind hasnt been able to be put to use towards anything else....
Outside of all that.....eh, there really isnt anything outside of that. Ive been sick for a long time, and still dont have insurance. (SHhhhhh, dont tell my orthodontist that! They think Im covered!).
Im not sure if I mentioned it, but In a tad of a frenzy I cut my hair shorter than I ever have before. I tend to do this when I feel frantic for whatever reason. Its too short to throw up into a ponytail which is starting to make me insane. I dont really like it, but I needed to cut off all the dead stuff anyway. So I guess it was good. And no, I dont have pictures.
Im very tired.
And I can see the outline of the bra you just took off in your attachment picture.
Edit:
Those blue eyes are disgusting.
Use the real ones.