I really wish I could find a peace of mind.
I'm exhausted.
And brain dead - already.
School started back on Wednesday. It's my last semester of Nursing school. 4 1/2 years of college. I'm trying to be optimistic. But the word busy doesn't even have enough emphasis on how much of my time that school will be taking.
On top of things...I move into a new apartment and my roommates all knew I had a cat. They held a dinner the other night...just to say that at all times my cat has to stay in my room. Before it was just when I was not home, and even so I more or less let her out when they went to bed.
under the spoiler is a post that I posted under the group Kitties about my situation. Blah.
SPOILERS! (Click to view)
I moved into a new apartment about a month ago. My roommates knew I had a cat. The rule WAS her stay in my room if I wasn't here and while I was here she was able to venture through the apartment. Cool. I was still blah because I do have 8 hour day classes now and I felt like she needed more space than my tiny room. Well one of my roommates claim she is allergic to cats...that she just now finds this out...and she's had cats at her parents house all of her life. I have seen no signs of allergies etc. In fact, I'm allergic to cats. I keep my cat brushed, and keep her maintained so that my allergies do not act up. If I saw her allergies obviously acting up, I'd feel a little more pity, but she is no animal lover and I feel as though it is all a big excuse. So she calls to tell me she is allergic to cats...but still the cat can come out of my room, etc, and she just won't touch her. Then all of a sudden they call this roommate meeting to say that the cat is not allowed out of my room at all. No reason. Actually...their excuse was that my other roommates dog has to go outside to pee...which it goes outside on a leash. Bad excuse. Anyways...I felt horrible for my cat so whens he bolted out of my door, I didn't fight it. And at night when I go outside or when my other roommates are asleep I would let her out just to have a little more room than my room. Well...now it's not at all. Not allowed to come out of my room at all.
Cats shouldn't be locked in a room, even if their owner is there. I don't feel like anyways. She seems fine, but she does want to get out when I get out. Otherwise, she follows me wherever I go.
My grandparents who live on a farm gave me the option for her to come stay with them and her be an outside cat. they said they'd give her the garage to sleep on at night and because she is fixed the likelihood of her venturing off is less. Is that true? I've read also that outside cats live a lot fewer years than inside cats because of the risk of what all they can get into...trash, pesticides, worms, feline leukemia, fleas, old food, bacteria...etc. etc. etc. and then the risk of her getting ran over or eaten by some animal. Who knows. But I assume she would be happier outside regardless. I mean, she is a cat. But she does love her cuddle time and petting time. My grandmother said they'd lover her and pet her...which my granddad I know would spoil her. But she still wouldn't be allowed inside. And there is always the risk of her running away.
Not to mention, she was a stray when we found her...as a kitten, skin and bones. Would she go back to her old stray ways? Or always know to come where her food and attention is? Also...if I were to take her back in four months when I graduate and move into an apartment, wouldn't it be even harder to house train her and train her to get along with animals. etc. Would she always just be an outside cat after that?
I've tried to get a few of my friends to keep her, maybe even take her (because some have kids and I'm not going to make the kid give it back to me) but no one wants her...and the only person that will take her is my grandparents.
I've also tried to walk her on a leash to get her out of the room, which she hates. But my apartment won't allow animals roaming around without a leash. So..that was an epic fail...
So...basically...I'm just asking for opinions...should I keep her here with me in my apartment, in my room and bathroom, where she isn't allowed out, and hope she doesn't go vengeful towards me and tear things up. I will hopefully only be here another 4 or 5 months, even though my lease is a year lease, til July 2012. Or should I give her to my grandparents for that 4 or 5 months...let her be an outside cat...risk it...and know she will possibly be happier outside, and hope she doesn't run off...and get into anything that could hurt her, or get killed.
I just feel so bad for her.
And I am not sure how she will respond to me taking her to my grandparents either.
So any suggestions or thoughts or ideas or which one would be better answers would be amazing.
Thanks.
So now I feel bad for my cat. and I'm being a recluse with her. What sucks is my room gets extra hot when my door is closed for some reason. It's quite ridiculous.
I'm just not happy with my living arrangements. But I hope to find a sublease in four months and get out of here when I graduate.
I sometimes just wish people would live in other peoples shoes for a minute...or even animals shoes.
I am tired of delayed gratification...finally. For a while, it was my thing. But now that it is getting closer and closer to my fiance getting out of Afghanistan, and after a few months of him done with that him being home with me...it makes me miss him more. Not to mention, he's gone right now where I can't talk to him or see him on skype. So I just sit here worrying and wondering and thinking. etc.
I have so much work to do, but of course, I'd rather just sleep.
And I'm tired of hearing my three roommates in there playing with the one roomies dog...and my cat can't even come out of the room. this is really starting to piss me off. I don't even want to see their faces..and in fact, I haven't really seen their face..except for one girls and that's because I'm in nursing school with her. I swear I hate people.
I hope I make it through this semester. and I hope I remember to breathe.
On another note, I edited a few of the photos that Kyle Wolf took from the workshop a few weekends ago...if my internet will go fast enough I shall show. And some of the other photographers posted more photos as well.
I also hope to be working with Lorelei soon...but it may just be for a Zivity set. that is if we can get our schedules together.
Here are some of Kyle Wolf's photos with some of my edits. He's a great photographer. I just got bored and he gave me the rights to edit some of his photos...since he knows I know photoshop and will put a different look to them. etc. He's the photographer that came down from Utah just to shoot with me.
I will post more photos when I have time at a later date...or maybe just post them in my modeling photos album.
Also...here is a body scape photo done a year ago by John Mcdonald. The darkness and mystery of it makes me like it even more. I enjoyed doing backbends naked. hehe.
Anyways, I'm not really sure what else to add.
Here is my sleep deprived unbrushed hair, no make up self.
And look who came to say hello as I'm taking pictures...Nightmare. :-P
She told me it was bed time, because she hopped on her bed...if you can't tell.
Anyways, that is all.
Hope all is well.
<3
You and your cat are adorable <3