Have you given your Girlfriend a blow Job today?
.............rules to go down on a girl
hemlock170374BelgiumDECEMBER 2006DEC 20, 2006 11:39 AM
To excited popular demand,
after The Perfect Blowjob "Handbook",
I humbly give you:
***** The Perfect Cunnilingus "Handbook" :o) *****
_______________________________________
LADIES:
1 - I might be blunt but this is even more true than for blowjobs:
a CLEAN pussy is one of the yummiest things in the world.
I underline that I am not talking about average hygiene here.
The guy is going to eat you. Set the table properly, Martha Stewart.
2 - Shaving is not mandatory but it makes things easier even for the ones
among us who like to bite fur (I am not one).
Try to turn even this into fun:
did you know you can give yourself funny "haircuts" with modern super trimmers?
If your skin is too sensitive to shave, trim at least all the amount that can get in the way.
That would make even me happy No razor? Try just a bit of scissors at least.
3 - When the guy goes down on you, especially if he is no expert and he is tasting
the wonderful flower for the first time, he might do something wrong and slightly hurt you,
sting you, generally giving you a bit too much "bio-feedback" all of a sudden.
We all know how sensitive your clitoris is.
Move away and explain him.
Try not to jump shrieking like a possessed eagle.
You'll scare the living daylights out of his skin.
4 - Some of you are more into clitoral-tongue stimulation, some into clit-sucking, other girls
are into labia licking or g-spot fingering... you're all beautiful and different.
Don't let him get tongue cramps on your clitoris for 245 minutes if you are a vaginal girl.
Please.
5 - This should sound familiar to you, honeys:
there are great ways to tell us if we are licking the right spot
or if we are sucking your knee by mistake.
Trying to move our head all around your entire intimate anatomy with your hands
like a Microsoft Optical Mouse is not one of those.
6 - Our eyes are clearly not focused on your lovely face, sinking as they are deep
in The Place That's The Origin Of Everything. If you need to send us urgent field messages
to adjust the coordinates of our drilling, you have to be LOUD.
MOAN, YES, MOAN. It tells us when we are doing good and we learn to know you.
Guys, bring a GPS and draw a map of this unknown territory.
You'll want to come back here, I promise you.
7 - Especially when the guy starts fingering you and if he does it *quickly*, with two fingers
like a hook pointing upwards (you know what I am talking about, yes you do... )
it might happen that funny noises will be coming out of your pussy,
peculiar and quite similar to that funny teenage joke known as "armpit fart" LOL
Avoid breaking into hysterical laughter.
He will start laughing, too, you will both have a great time laughing
but nobody will be having sex anymore in that room... sometimes. Most of the times.
8 - We like you if you start playing with your fingers on your clit.
It's so lovely to see you excited and out of your mind.
Just don't move your fingers in the way of what we are trying to do,
acting as if your hand actually wants to push us away.
We feel abused when you do that. Really.
Especially if you stick a finger in our nose.
9 - If you like to help yourself with a type of lubricant that is clearly not edible,
do not expect us to go back eating at your pussy after that.
Some water-based gel might be edible even if not really nice.
The same can't be said for bathing foam, soap, shampoo, Nivea cream and motor oil.
10 - You both managed to get thus far, he is so excited by how good he is performing
that he is almost coming in his own pants and you are shaking and trembling,
so dangerously close to the verge of eruption and then you coooooooome...
DO NOT SNAP LEGS AROUND POOR BASTARD'S HEAD.
PERIOD.
You might be forgetful of what
mind-blowing,
nerve-wracking,
toe-curling,
steel-bending force is delivered through a female body during a shattering orgasm:
to put it down simply, you'll snap his neck broken in at least three places.
He will... like... die. OK?
GENTLEMEN:
1 - If you don't know the girl, you are going down on her for the first time,
and she is not like fruity pineapple-flavored-strawberries down there,
don't make the I-just-lifted-the-lid-of-a-toxic-waste-container face...
There is always a firm and polite way to say things
that makes any other kind of behavior useless and just downright rude.
2 - Start from a distance. I will sound silly to you but you need to start licking her pussy
beginning from her ears and her neck. Think about it and you will understand what I mean.
Yes exactly.
The more anticipation you create, the more sensitive and wet
she will already be down there when you get there.
Male excitement is a light switch. Female excitement is a volume knob, guys
3 - OK. You worked your way down to the treasure land and she is like
pink pineapples in Candyland. You only feel like feeding as soon as possible.
STOP.
WATCH YOUR BREATH!
A sudden blow of air from your mouth can feel so harsh,
cold and unexpected on her clit that she'll jump
like if you just branded her ass with hot iron.
WATCH YOUR BEARD!
No beard=smooth operator
Long beard=nice tickling
Three days shade=SANDPAPER
Need I say more?
4 - Starting with the clit, licking, taking it in your mouth and sucking it, is a great idea.
Gnawing at it like if you're working your teeth on a chicken drumstick IS NOT.
5 - Remember one word - VARIETY.
Her anticipation-excitement levels rise madly especially during the unexpected changes
from one thing you do to another. Women wants us to surprise them, boys.
Don't let me down. Use your imagination.
One great technique, in particular, involves using your middle finger and ring finger together,
facing up, shaped like a hook. Find her g-spot, yes that thing that feels like a little bean,
situated on her "ceiling" (if she is lying on her back) and once you have started pushing it,
start moving the hand up and down (that's right, up and down,
like if you want to lift her, not in and out) and keep on doing it...
if you do it right and if her blood flow has no problems
and she has no stress points in her muscles,
do you know what will happen then?
She'll squirt, gentlemen,
SHE WILL SQUIRT LIKE A FOUNTAIN SHAKING FOR MINUTES OF CYCLING ORGASMS.
Worth trying, no?
6 - Before moving further to higher levels, it is compulsory to check if she is ready
to switch gears; this mainly means that you need to watch her LUBRICATION.
Help her. Get her hotter. Add your saliva (it was made for it).
Don't start rubbing her dry pussy like if she was soaking wet already.
You'll both get bruises.
You will irritate her skin and she will punch you in the nose.
7 - At some point, it's time to use them fingers.
As previously stated, lubrication is of paramount
importance here. Slowly working your way inside her and keeping her excited and lubricated,
you can easily go from one finger to two, three, four, five and, eventually,
your whole hand and forearm
(girls who can take a forearm can message me, my MSN is there for you to abuse it).
Don't just ram a fist in her pussy when she is not ready.
She'll jump up and on you with the same feelings and behavior
of a tiger sodomized with a lamppost.
8 - Be a man and keep the rythm she likes for as long as she likes.
It's not like you are pushing around heavy weights here
and remember, you can do more than one thing at the same time
(sucking her clit+fingering her vagina)
9 - Especially when she gets close to the edge, you'll get your moustache very wet.
Taking a break to wipe yourself is not cool.
You are supposed to like what you are drinking. Period.
10 - YOU MADE IT!
She is coming like a train under Niagara falls and she is screaming your name!
NOW DON'T FINGER HER!
Some of us have no idea how sensitive a girl's clit and vulva become right after the orgasm.
It is like an exposed wound over there. All the chemical substances that were keeping
her tension up (some of them mildly analgesic, i.e. pain-killing substances) are now fading away
in her bloodstream and she is now able
to feel the thoughts of a mosquito with her clit.
I give you one advice.
Just leave your fingers there, pressed against her clit, without moving.
This will help her cycling through further orgasms, one after the other
(if she is very orgasmic).
My male fans have all my gratitude for their devotion.
My female fans can have something more if they e-mail me
HAPPY SUCKING, PEOPLE!!!
.............rules to go down on a girl
hemlock170374BelgiumDECEMBER 2006DEC 20, 2006 11:39 AM
To excited popular demand,
after The Perfect Blowjob "Handbook",
I humbly give you:
***** The Perfect Cunnilingus "Handbook" :o) *****
_______________________________________
LADIES:
1 - I might be blunt but this is even more true than for blowjobs:
a CLEAN pussy is one of the yummiest things in the world.
I underline that I am not talking about average hygiene here.
The guy is going to eat you. Set the table properly, Martha Stewart.
2 - Shaving is not mandatory but it makes things easier even for the ones
among us who like to bite fur (I am not one).
Try to turn even this into fun:
did you know you can give yourself funny "haircuts" with modern super trimmers?
If your skin is too sensitive to shave, trim at least all the amount that can get in the way.
That would make even me happy No razor? Try just a bit of scissors at least.
3 - When the guy goes down on you, especially if he is no expert and he is tasting
the wonderful flower for the first time, he might do something wrong and slightly hurt you,
sting you, generally giving you a bit too much "bio-feedback" all of a sudden.
We all know how sensitive your clitoris is.
Move away and explain him.
Try not to jump shrieking like a possessed eagle.
You'll scare the living daylights out of his skin.
4 - Some of you are more into clitoral-tongue stimulation, some into clit-sucking, other girls
are into labia licking or g-spot fingering... you're all beautiful and different.
Don't let him get tongue cramps on your clitoris for 245 minutes if you are a vaginal girl.
Please.
5 - This should sound familiar to you, honeys:
there are great ways to tell us if we are licking the right spot
or if we are sucking your knee by mistake.
Trying to move our head all around your entire intimate anatomy with your hands
like a Microsoft Optical Mouse is not one of those.
6 - Our eyes are clearly not focused on your lovely face, sinking as they are deep
in The Place That's The Origin Of Everything. If you need to send us urgent field messages
to adjust the coordinates of our drilling, you have to be LOUD.
MOAN, YES, MOAN. It tells us when we are doing good and we learn to know you.
Guys, bring a GPS and draw a map of this unknown territory.
You'll want to come back here, I promise you.
7 - Especially when the guy starts fingering you and if he does it *quickly*, with two fingers
like a hook pointing upwards (you know what I am talking about, yes you do... )
it might happen that funny noises will be coming out of your pussy,
peculiar and quite similar to that funny teenage joke known as "armpit fart" LOL
Avoid breaking into hysterical laughter.
He will start laughing, too, you will both have a great time laughing
but nobody will be having sex anymore in that room... sometimes. Most of the times.
8 - We like you if you start playing with your fingers on your clit.
It's so lovely to see you excited and out of your mind.
Just don't move your fingers in the way of what we are trying to do,
acting as if your hand actually wants to push us away.
We feel abused when you do that. Really.
Especially if you stick a finger in our nose.
9 - If you like to help yourself with a type of lubricant that is clearly not edible,
do not expect us to go back eating at your pussy after that.
Some water-based gel might be edible even if not really nice.
The same can't be said for bathing foam, soap, shampoo, Nivea cream and motor oil.
10 - You both managed to get thus far, he is so excited by how good he is performing
that he is almost coming in his own pants and you are shaking and trembling,
so dangerously close to the verge of eruption and then you coooooooome...
DO NOT SNAP LEGS AROUND POOR BASTARD'S HEAD.
PERIOD.
You might be forgetful of what
mind-blowing,
nerve-wracking,
toe-curling,
steel-bending force is delivered through a female body during a shattering orgasm:
to put it down simply, you'll snap his neck broken in at least three places.
He will... like... die. OK?
GENTLEMEN:
1 - If you don't know the girl, you are going down on her for the first time,
and she is not like fruity pineapple-flavored-strawberries down there,
don't make the I-just-lifted-the-lid-of-a-toxic-waste-container face...
There is always a firm and polite way to say things
that makes any other kind of behavior useless and just downright rude.
2 - Start from a distance. I will sound silly to you but you need to start licking her pussy
beginning from her ears and her neck. Think about it and you will understand what I mean.
Yes exactly.
The more anticipation you create, the more sensitive and wet
she will already be down there when you get there.
Male excitement is a light switch. Female excitement is a volume knob, guys
3 - OK. You worked your way down to the treasure land and she is like
pink pineapples in Candyland. You only feel like feeding as soon as possible.
STOP.
WATCH YOUR BREATH!
A sudden blow of air from your mouth can feel so harsh,
cold and unexpected on her clit that she'll jump
like if you just branded her ass with hot iron.
WATCH YOUR BEARD!
No beard=smooth operator
Long beard=nice tickling
Three days shade=SANDPAPER
Need I say more?
4 - Starting with the clit, licking, taking it in your mouth and sucking it, is a great idea.
Gnawing at it like if you're working your teeth on a chicken drumstick IS NOT.
5 - Remember one word - VARIETY.
Her anticipation-excitement levels rise madly especially during the unexpected changes
from one thing you do to another. Women wants us to surprise them, boys.
Don't let me down. Use your imagination.
One great technique, in particular, involves using your middle finger and ring finger together,
facing up, shaped like a hook. Find her g-spot, yes that thing that feels like a little bean,
situated on her "ceiling" (if she is lying on her back) and once you have started pushing it,
start moving the hand up and down (that's right, up and down,
like if you want to lift her, not in and out) and keep on doing it...
if you do it right and if her blood flow has no problems
and she has no stress points in her muscles,
do you know what will happen then?
She'll squirt, gentlemen,
SHE WILL SQUIRT LIKE A FOUNTAIN SHAKING FOR MINUTES OF CYCLING ORGASMS.
Worth trying, no?
6 - Before moving further to higher levels, it is compulsory to check if she is ready
to switch gears; this mainly means that you need to watch her LUBRICATION.
Help her. Get her hotter. Add your saliva (it was made for it).
Don't start rubbing her dry pussy like if she was soaking wet already.
You'll both get bruises.
You will irritate her skin and she will punch you in the nose.
7 - At some point, it's time to use them fingers.
As previously stated, lubrication is of paramount
importance here. Slowly working your way inside her and keeping her excited and lubricated,
you can easily go from one finger to two, three, four, five and, eventually,
your whole hand and forearm
(girls who can take a forearm can message me, my MSN is there for you to abuse it).
Don't just ram a fist in her pussy when she is not ready.
She'll jump up and on you with the same feelings and behavior
of a tiger sodomized with a lamppost.
8 - Be a man and keep the rythm she likes for as long as she likes.
It's not like you are pushing around heavy weights here
and remember, you can do more than one thing at the same time
(sucking her clit+fingering her vagina)
9 - Especially when she gets close to the edge, you'll get your moustache very wet.
Taking a break to wipe yourself is not cool.
You are supposed to like what you are drinking. Period.
10 - YOU MADE IT!
She is coming like a train under Niagara falls and she is screaming your name!
NOW DON'T FINGER HER!
Some of us have no idea how sensitive a girl's clit and vulva become right after the orgasm.
It is like an exposed wound over there. All the chemical substances that were keeping
her tension up (some of them mildly analgesic, i.e. pain-killing substances) are now fading away
in her bloodstream and she is now able
to feel the thoughts of a mosquito with her clit.
I give you one advice.
Just leave your fingers there, pressed against her clit, without moving.
This will help her cycling through further orgasms, one after the other
(if she is very orgasmic).
My male fans have all my gratitude for their devotion.
My female fans can have something more if they e-mail me
HAPPY SUCKING, PEOPLE!!!
firemanirfd:
Great post, Truer Words I Have Never Seen
bashster:
my gosh thanx for the tutorial i will have to find someone to practice on i guess. 