los angeles trip summary:
was hit on nonstop on the flight by the german musician seated next to me. normally i would've been into it, but the guy was 40something. meep! i like older men, but that's a decade i'm not willing to experiment with yet.
escape that situation only to meet up with my mother who's taken extra time to work late on her fucking birthday and thus has left me standing at the airport for 45 minutes. went to dinner with her. went in search of kody the squatter punk. it took 2 hours of detective work on my behalf, talking to drug dealers, other squatters etc until i found his social circle.
found him the next day by way of a very very very fucking spun but bright young fellow named david (ayy, a fine candidate in need of potassium)...i knew from talking to the dealers that kody'd been in the spin cycle again which is a telling fact...it means things have metamorphosed a lot since he and i were together in berkeley. the varied accounts of kody on the promenade all agree on the notion that kody has gone downhill in terms of self-esteem since he came to sm. when i finally find him, he tells me within the first hour of being around me that he's slept with 2 other women since i've been gone. the thought of the ankh i gave him, that i used to wear, touching down on some other girl's chest angered me to the point that i blurted a lot of things to kody that ...i don't normally say to men.
when there are conflicts between significant others and myself, i psychoanalyze them every step of the way in order to pick my best weapons. i realize men have fragile egos and therefore i don't normally say what i'm thinking to them because i don't want to hurt them. fuck that. it all came rushing out:
-you're scared. you found me and it made you want to stop doing this to yourself. so you drowned yourself in uppers and left town. don't tell me all about the other women, you're trying to make me jealous in order to prop yourself up. you're scared i won't want you...gotta make yourself look desirable. and shove away. because we all want what we can't have. but i know i can have you. so stop it. stop. and give me that ankh back. you don't deserve it.
a sore disappointment with kody. there were other disappointments too. turns out he was scared to have sex with me because of his size issues...i think he's been dissuaded of that though...the first few times weren't much...he kept wanting me on top of him (ha, i never would've pegged kody for a complete sub, but he is) which is a position i have trouble with...but i got it in 2 tries and managed out this incredibly intense orgasm for both parties....*giggle* he said afterward "well, doesn't SOMEONE have a high learning curve..."
but it made it clear that this is another avenue i can't look to for any sort of lasting, substancial care. *sigh* i wanna be taken care of ...i don't want to hear about things like "you've lost weight, your ass isn't as perky as your tits anymore"...but that's another entry...
there was so much input that i have to process from l.a. blah. more ramblings later.
was hit on nonstop on the flight by the german musician seated next to me. normally i would've been into it, but the guy was 40something. meep! i like older men, but that's a decade i'm not willing to experiment with yet.
escape that situation only to meet up with my mother who's taken extra time to work late on her fucking birthday and thus has left me standing at the airport for 45 minutes. went to dinner with her. went in search of kody the squatter punk. it took 2 hours of detective work on my behalf, talking to drug dealers, other squatters etc until i found his social circle.
found him the next day by way of a very very very fucking spun but bright young fellow named david (ayy, a fine candidate in need of potassium)...i knew from talking to the dealers that kody'd been in the spin cycle again which is a telling fact...it means things have metamorphosed a lot since he and i were together in berkeley. the varied accounts of kody on the promenade all agree on the notion that kody has gone downhill in terms of self-esteem since he came to sm. when i finally find him, he tells me within the first hour of being around me that he's slept with 2 other women since i've been gone. the thought of the ankh i gave him, that i used to wear, touching down on some other girl's chest angered me to the point that i blurted a lot of things to kody that ...i don't normally say to men.
when there are conflicts between significant others and myself, i psychoanalyze them every step of the way in order to pick my best weapons. i realize men have fragile egos and therefore i don't normally say what i'm thinking to them because i don't want to hurt them. fuck that. it all came rushing out:
-you're scared. you found me and it made you want to stop doing this to yourself. so you drowned yourself in uppers and left town. don't tell me all about the other women, you're trying to make me jealous in order to prop yourself up. you're scared i won't want you...gotta make yourself look desirable. and shove away. because we all want what we can't have. but i know i can have you. so stop it. stop. and give me that ankh back. you don't deserve it.
a sore disappointment with kody. there were other disappointments too. turns out he was scared to have sex with me because of his size issues...i think he's been dissuaded of that though...the first few times weren't much...he kept wanting me on top of him (ha, i never would've pegged kody for a complete sub, but he is) which is a position i have trouble with...but i got it in 2 tries and managed out this incredibly intense orgasm for both parties....*giggle* he said afterward "well, doesn't SOMEONE have a high learning curve..."
but it made it clear that this is another avenue i can't look to for any sort of lasting, substancial care. *sigh* i wanna be taken care of ...i don't want to hear about things like "you've lost weight, your ass isn't as perky as your tits anymore"...but that's another entry...
there was so much input that i have to process from l.a. blah. more ramblings later.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
My favorite line is " a sore disappointment with Kody".
Come on you seem like an intelligent girl. You don't think Kody is basically disappointment incarnate?
And you slept with him?!! I hope you boiled him first! You don't know where he has been.
Come on!
I'm a decent looking guy who works 2 jobs and I haven't gotten laid in...I don't don't know how long but Kody the Punk, Squatting, Dope fiend has girls flying to LA and playing Columbo to get a piece of that sexy homeless ass!
Does anyone Else see the humor in this or I'm I missing something?